


The Medic

by LoudMan1



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Injury Recovery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, The Medic - Freeform, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:19:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 39,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3972553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudMan1/pseuds/LoudMan1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen recover from the savage effects of war and find support and love in each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction and I would not have written it, but for the support of Titania522. This is also for the men and women, who have served and sacrificed.
> 
> I am not Suzanne Collins. Really do I look like her? She wrote the Hunger Games. I own nothing.

It was a beautiful early December morning and Peeta was on his way to visit his friend.

It was unseasonably mild, which made it a truly brilliant day for a walk.

Peeta Mellark still had a boyish face and a full head of blond hair. He was dressed in a dark blue suit, maroon tie and charcoal overcoat. Pinned to his left lapel was his Combat Medical Badge, a badge that despite all the professional accolades he had earned, still meant the most to him than any title or promotion he had acquired, during his professional career.

It was going to be a busy day for Peeta. The unit Christmas party was starting at three that afternoon. This would give the parents, staff and children plenty of time to eat, participate in the festivities and entertainment and, most importantly, meet with Santa Claus.

Cressida and her crew once again would be filming the party. It was rumored that she had arranged for a certain Caped Crusader to make an appearance. Peeta smiled to himself. Cressida could always be counted on to provide an extra surprise for the kids.

Of course Peeta was going to be Santa Claus. It was his favorite holiday and Peeta loved playing Santa Claus. He took his responsibilities very seriously.

Dr. Peeta Mellark, Chief of the Pediatric Oncology Department, loved his little patients and he loved making them a memorable Christmas. His wife knew this about him. She said lovingly, " He is a big kid, treating kids."

The boys and girls, who were patients on the unit, knew that Dr. Mellark loved them and would make them well, if he could.

However, the Christmas Party would have to wait a bit longer. Right now Peeta was swimming in the memories of the past and he needed to see his old friend.

Despite the warmth of the approaching holiday, Peeta had been aware of a growing melancholy, darkening his spirit.

Since he was a little boy, Peeta had learned to drive these feeling deep inside himself. Only those closest to him could detect his pain. His wife called these episodes, " Peeta's Black Dog Days." Thankfully, over the years, the Black Dog of depression came to visit him less and less.

Peeta had once overheard his wife and daughter talking in the kitchen.

" Mommy, Daddy is usually so happy, but sometimes I see him change and I feel sorry for him. He just gets so sad and it's like he is not really here. He goes somewhere in his mind, far away from us. Mommy what's the matter with Daddy? "

His wife was silent for several minutes and finally replied sadly, " Daddy sometimes remembers times in his life that were both scary and sad, like I do baby. But, you know Daddy always comes back to us. Someday Daddy will tell you what happened to him. Sweetheart, today is not that day."

Peeta thought to himself, " Scary and sad. So apropos."

As he continued his walk, Peeta felt his leg begin to twinge. Maybe he should have taken his cane with him. No matter. He would soon be at his destination.

Peeta walked down the quiet, pristine trails, past row after row of simple white grave stones. Peeta thought, " There are so many of us here." The cemetery held the remains of those, who had died in so many wars. The graves of his fallen brothers and sisters stretched out over the soft, rolling hills of Arlington National Cemetery.

Peeta wasn't the only member of the living, come to visit the dead. Peeta observed the sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives of the fallen, standing qiet vigil at the graves of their loved ones.

He noticed the old men standing at the graves of their fallen comrades. Many of the old veterans like him, were wearing their precious unit insignias and campaign ribbons on their chest. They were standing at the graves of their friends, but they were also back in Korea, Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan. All of them, were young and healthy, full of piss and vinegar.

At last he came to the grave of his friend. Peeta took a deep, ragged breath. The inscription on the stone simply stated, Staff Sergeant Finnick O'dair, United States Army.

Each time Peeta came to visit, he was unprepared for the torrent of emotions and memories he experienced at the final resting place of his friend.

Peeta gently touched the grave stone. He spoke in a whisper. " Hey douche bag, how are you? Damn, I miss your ugly mug." His words caught in his throat. " I want you to know that Annie and Finn are doing fine." Peeta pulled out a picture of Annie and Finn taken that Thanksgiving. He placed the picture at the base of the grave. " He is so smart and he is such a good kid. He is the perfect combination of you and Annie. He talked to me about becoming a Doctor. I said I would help him figure it out." Peeta laughed, " He is as impatient as you were. He wants it all yesterday."

" Hey Finn, I have something for you. Now don't argue with me. I want you to have it. It has been weighing me down for years."

Peeta reached into his pocket and brought out a Purple Heart, it was the same Purple Heart, that young Staff Sargent, Peeta Mellark had earned decades ago, in the cold desert.

Peeta gently placed the medal on the white stone marker. " For you bro." His tears now were freely flowing.

He gave himself over to his memories.


	2. Mornings Suck

"Doc! Doc! wake up! Come on it's time to get up! We gotta get going!"

Peeta responded with a deep snore, while drooling onto his pillow. Staff Sargent Finnick O'dair shook his head and said, " Peeta, come on! Fucking wake up!" to which, Peeta responded by letting out another loud snort and further burrowing under the covers.

Finnick understood the lure of the bunk. He was pissed off and bone tired too. It was fighting season in Afghanistan and the Taliban had ramped up attacks against coalition troops. In response, the Rangers had increased patrols and beefed up their defensive perimeter. Despite that, two days ago an embedded reporter was killed in a firefight. So they were all on edge and exhausted. It was also cold at night, here in the ass end of Afghanistan. Who wouldn't want to crawl in a nice warm bunk and escape this shit? 

Finnick kicked the metal foot of Peeta's bunk. Peeta shouted, " Jesus Finn, leave me alone and get the fuck out! We aren't supposed to go on an op today." Finn kicked the bunk one more time. This time Peeta's screamed, although his screams were muffled by the pillow covering his head.

" Doc, don't crap on the messenger. Orders changed. But, at least today, we won't be humping through the badlands," Finn said. He was trying to get Peeta to wake up the was a parent might deal with a tired petulant toddler. Finn really didn't enjoy giving his friend a hard time. Peeta was exhausted and under tremendous stress and Finn knew that while Peeta presented the picture of calm and optimism in the field, he had lately observed a growing bite in Peeta's speech and demeanor.

As a combat medic, Peeta exposed himself to enemy fire more then any other soldier in the company. However, what really hurt Peeta was the memory of each soldier and civilian, whose life he could not save, no matter his skill or expertise. Peeta was at master at compartmentalizing his feelings of loss and guilt. Living with his mother had given him a world class education in learning how to distance himself from his feelings. To the men of his company, he remained Doc, the guy with the steady presence, who knew what to do, when they were all deep in the shit. Peeta was also known as the guy, who had a wicked, self depreciating sense of humor, who always knew just the right thing to say. Only Finn could see what was gradually happening to his friend and it worried him.

" Doc, today we are riding in style." That was a slight exaggeration. What that actually meant was riding shotgun with other Rangers and a film crew in a column of armored Humvees with .50 caliber machine guns and grenade launchers mounted on top. They made a nice target for the Taliban, but it was still better than walking.

Peeta positioned himself at the edge of the bunk, trying to clear his head, while attempting to sit up. He didn't look happy. He yawned and scratched the two day growth of beard on his face. The normally fastidious soldier simply looked like shit. He was slowly able to focus and grimaced at Finn.

" There you go Doc. Two feet on the floor, start to stand up and you are good to go." Finn went on. " Hey, Annie wrote me. She went to her OB GYN yesterday. She faxed me a copy of her sonogram. Want to see a picture of my son?" Peeta nodded his head, while he lit up his first cigarette of the day. " Disgusting habit," he thought. " Sure, let me see your son." Finn carefully handed Peeta a wrinkled copy of Annie's sonogram. Peeta asked, " Is it ok with Annie, that I am seeing this?" Annie was one of Peeta's favorite people.

_Peeta watched his friend Finnick blossom under the influence of Annie.  They were a study in contrasts. Finnick had vibrant copper hair and was tall and muscular.  Annie was delicate and willowy. Yet somehow you knew, this auburn haired, green eyed woman completed this loud, funny boisterous man. Her intelligence and gentle humor enthralled Finn.  Finn had fundamentally changed for the better._

_Finn knew Annie for most of his life.  They both hailed from a small town on the Gulf Coast of Florida.  He had worked on his family's fishing boat before enlisting.  She worked as a middle school, Language Arts teacher.  Their paths had crossed many times.  However, they had only started to seriously date, when Finn entered the service and came home on a leave.  After that two week period , there was no going back for either of them_

_When Annie and Finnick wed, Peeta was predictably Finn's Best Man.  Peeta knew Finn was going to be a wonderful father, just like he was a loving husband._

_Peeta remembered when he and Finn were on leave together in Germany.  Annie flew to Berlin to meet them and they toured Germany and Austria using their Euro passes._ _Peeta and Annie loved spending time together and talking with each other._

_They were pleasantly buzzed one evening in a beer hall in Munich. The food and the beer flowed freely.  Peeta loved  the rich dark beers and the decadent desserts.  He fondly remembered the exquisite cakes and pastries his father and brothers made in the family bakery._

_Finnick was storytelling and busy charming some of the other beer hall guests.  Annie gazed at Peeta and then touched him on the arm.  Her eyes  glistened with emotion. Annie gently thanked Peeta for watching over Finnick. " I know you will take care of him and keep him safe.  I feel better knowing you are with him."  Annie went on, " Peeta, you are a good man.  You are my friend, but I see that my friend is sad and maybe a little lonely. Most people don't see it, but I do."  Peeta was slightly taken aback.  He listened closely to her.  Annie whispered, " Be patient Peeta, soon you'll know the person you were meant to be with.  I knew from the beginning, that Finn was mine and I was his.  It will happen for you._ _ou. She has been waiting for you, just like you have been waiting for her." Peeta was stunned and silent.  He thought to himself, " Annie, I sure hope you are right"_

" Doc my boy, you know Annie loves you and besides, Uncle Peeta needs to start to get to know his godson. So Annie is very cool with this," Finnick said, as Peeta examined the image.  " That, Doc is my magnificent son.  Can't you see the resemblance?  He definitely will follow my stellar example." Finn said proudly.

Peeta continued to look at the Sonogram. " Oh sure, I definitely see the resemblance. Yeah, he is a handsome young lad and will no doubt follow in your noble footsteps." He was satisfied to see Finnick beaming with pride.  Peeta inquired, " You and Annie settle on a name yet?' " No. Not yet. Annie is leaning toward Rory.  I as you may imagine want my son to be Finnick, Jr." Peeta could not help but shake his head and laugh softly.

Peeta was aware that he was developing a nasty headache and longed for a cup of coffee, from the mess.  His stomach also growled.  He was ravenous.  He had collapsed on his bunk last night from exhaustion and now his stomach was protesting loudly to him.

While Peeta dressed and geared up, Finnick engaged in one of his many monologues.  He would hold forth on just about any topic.  It really didn't matter what the subject was, only that Finn had an audience.  Lord knows Finn could talk, but Peeta liked listening to him.  It was oddly soothing and so very predictable in a place where nothing makes sense.

Finn had become Peeta's best friend.  Over their time together, the two soldiers had first developed a professional respect for each others respective skills and expertise, then that respect grew into a deep friendship. They talked about their families, their backgrounds and what their hopes and dreams were. Mostly, they enjoyed laughing at the absurdities of army life.

Peeta observed how Finn lead his men during combat operations.  Finn knew the strategies and tactics of the mobile light infantry, better then any other noncom ( Non Commissioned Officer) and most of the officers, in the platoon. Peeta had witnessed the meticulous preparations Finnick demanded of himself and his men before each operation. Finnick was the consummate professional and each of his Rangers could expect Sargent O'dair to lead them with intelligence and grit.

Finn and Peeta ate quickly at the company mess and then they made their way to the days mission briefing. Today's operation against the Taliban was going to be a beast. Peeta mentally prepared himself for the real possibility, that at the end of the day, there would be casualties.

After the briefing, Finn and Peeta stepped out into the brilliant sunshine, of that cold Spring morning. They looked at each other and together they recited their good luck mantra. " Same shit, different day." It made them both smile. Peeta then grabbed Finn's hand. He looked intensely at his friend and said simply, " Stay safe." Finn responded. " Right back at ya Doc." 

Finn looked over to where the waiting Humvee's were assembled. " Sweetheart is waiting for you." Peeta smiled as he saw the TV reporter and her two man crew, waiting patiently for him. She and her crew, would ride with Peeta. 

After a final check of his weapons, ammo and med kit. Peeta deliberately walked to the waiting column.

Peeta looked up at the sky, took a deep breath and thought to himself, " What a great day for a ride in the country with a beautiful woman. To bad I'm in fucking Afghanistan. Oh well. Wake the fuck up Mellark! This ain't a Corvette and this most certainly ain't a date."

The Lieutenant yelled, " Mount up!"

They were on their way.


	3. Making New Friends

Staff Sargent Peeta Mellark sat in the rear seat of the Humvee, his M-4 cradled to his chest.  He had, by necessity, learned the art of switching off his overactive mind.  However, Cressida Jones would not allow him to do that today.  The reporter was, asking him a series of mission related questions. She was listening to his answers intensely, while making notes for her piece, which was scheduled to air latter that day.

Peeta answered each and every question she asked, as thoroughly as he could.  As Peeta gave his answers to Cressida, he wondered how it was possible that this smart, blond haired woman could look so good in camos, helmet and a flak jacket.  She also smelled like Lilac, which was much better than the smell of a tent full of sweaty Army Rangers.

Cressida was one of the up and coming, on air reporters from Pacifica Cable News.  Her presence at Camp X Ray, had created an initial stir, when, she and her crew had been embedded with Peeta and Finn's company. She and her crew had been with the Rangers for the last month.  Peeta had grown to like her.  It was certainly nice to have this smart, attractive woman demonstrate an interest in what a lowly Staff Sargent had to say. 

She seem to be genuinely interested in the Rangers, which was unlike the other showboat TV journalists Peeta had encountered here.  She knew, when to listen and follow directions.  In the mission briefings, she always asked perceptive questions. She had successfully befriended, in the short time she was here, most of the men in his company.

_Cressida had earned her right to be here with these men.  She was just as determined and qualified as any male reporter.  She had graduated at the top of her class_ _from the School of Journalism at NYU.  She had paid her dues, both in print journalism and on TV.  She had carefully crafted her career path.  She was willing to take crap assignments in these backwater shit holes, to move her career forward.  The death of Mark, her fellow journalist had deeply affected her, but she would not be deterred from successfully completing this assignment. Television news was a cutthroat business and if she continued to have a record of success, a real chance at being a news anchor, could be her reward._

Peeta, for his part, certainly liked the time he spent with Cressida.  She had initially joined Peeta and Finnick for meals at the company mess. But soon, Peeta and Cressida began to spend time alone. Finnick said, " When you are around her you're always grinning like a god damn Cheshire Cat."  Peeta just kept on grinning.

Life had taught Peeta Mellark to be a realist.  He would not allow himself to consider that Cressida might actually be interested in him. How could she be?

Peeta knew the kind of men that Cressida had been involved with,  She dated men from the elite of Washington, New York and Hollywood.  She was best friends with A List celebrities and her relationship with an actor, who was headlining the next big young adult movie, had made the front page of gossip magazines and celebrity websites.

So here in, as the illustrious Finnick O'dair would say, "The ass end of Afghanistan" Staff Sargent Peeta Mellark resolved to enjoy the time he was spending with Cressida and not read anything more into her actions or words. However, he kept wondering, what it would be like to kiss her.

They talked and argued about their favorite movies. Peeta said, " Watching Young Frankenstein, makes me laugh so hard, that I just about pee in my pants! It also helps, that I am stoned, whenever I watch it."  Cressida said, " Blazing Saddles was a fucking Mel Brooks masterpiece, especially the farting scene!" They argued about who was the funniest of the Three Stooges.  Peeta was a hardcore Curly fan, while much to his dismay, Cressida thought Shemp was far funnier. Peeta wondered if Cressida needed a remedial course in comedy.  She playfully punched his arm.

She laughed at his corny jokes.  They played video games together.  Mostly they just talked.

She made a place for herself at Peeta and Finn's weekly poker game. She proved to be a crafty player, winning pot after pot, much to Finn's consternation and Peeta's admiration.  She could hold her liquor and took great pride in her ability to have just as foul a mouth as any grizzled noncom.

Cressida asked about Peeta's interests.  She listened intensely as he told her about the artistry and patience it took to decorate and sculpt the specialty cakes his family made at their bakery.  He spoke of his love of art and how it heals and transforms injured souls and how it had helped him in his darkest hours.

Peeta spoke to Cressida with a deep inner passion.  He told her that the great works of literature, music and art were a reflection of the tragedies, the hopes and the aspirations of humanity.  He smilled and caught himself.  He said, " Sometimes I have a habit of running off at the mouth."  Cressida laid her hand on his forearm and said, " I like listeneing to you run off at the mouth , Doc"

As they became closer, Peeta overcame his embarrassment and showed her the sketches he had completed, at this current posting.  His checks burned as she stood close to him and carefully appraised each sketch.  God, he liked the way she smelled.  When she again touched his arm, he felt an electric shock pass between the two of them.

Some of the pieces beautifully captured the landscapes of the surrounding countryside.  Some were candid portraits of soldiers or farmers that had captured Peetas's imagination.

However, some reflected the horrors of war that Peeta had witnessed and had fused onto his soul.  Cressida was deeply moved by these images and stunned by Peeta's talent.

The paradox of the seasoned professional soldier and sensitive intelligent artist inhabiting one person drew her futher into the orbit of Peeta Mellark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. He is Kinda Cute

Cressida was drawn to Peeta Mellark, with his wide smile, blond hair and his blue eyes.  She choose to drop the barriers that she had carefully constructed over the years and found herself opening up to Peeta.  She told him of the struggles, she faced making it in a field that continued to be dominated by men.  Most of the men that she had previously let her guard down with, could barely comprehend what she was talking about, let alone empathize with her.  Their eyes would glaze over, when she spoke about the sexual harassment she had faced and the day to day frustrations she encountered in her profession. She often felt that her own boyfriend patronized her and really did not understand, or worse did not care, what she was saying. That was not the case with Peeta.  He truly listened to her. He wanted to know more about her challenges in TV journalism. The more he listened and asked her questions, the more she wanted to let him in. Peeta Mellark made this self assured woman feel pleasantly off balance.

Cressida liked Finnick. At first, she thought he was a classic player.  When Finnick was around an attractive, smart woman, he automatically went into, what Peeta would call, "Full Finnick Mode." Finnick knew how to be charming, the way a fish knew how to be wet.  As charming as Finnick was toward Cressida, he could not stop himself from talking about Annie and the baby.  He spoke about his plans to expand the fishing business and perhaps run some diving charters.  They would buy a house and Annie would get her Masters Degree in Education.  Cressida had actually talked to Annie, when she skyped with Finn. She instantly liked Annie.  You had to be blind, not to see that Finnick was deeply in love with his wife and unborn child.

As much as Cressida enjoyed Finnick.  It was Peeta Mellark that intrigued her.  There was a quiet, intelligent intensity to this man.  He was friendly, talented and respected by the men.  He demonstrated a marked professionalism and compassion to the wounded in his care.  But, his whole demeanor would change and his face would light up, when he would be administering non-urgent care to the local villagers and their children.

Peeta asked Cressida to accompany him to one of the local villages, when he went to visit.  Cressida noted that many of the villagers seemed to trust Peeta and the rural Afghan populace most definitely did not trust American soldiers. Peeta had taken the effort to learn key phrases in Pashto, which was the predominant language of Helmund Province. Cressida had asked Peeta why he had gone through all the effort to learn their language Peeta seemed confused by the question. " I can't treat them, if I don't understand what they are saying. It's also is a sign of respect for their culture. After all, we are just passing through. I hope." The people who lived here seemed to appreciate his efforts. There were growing less hesitant in seeking out medical treatment from the American's visiting their village or venturing out for medical care at the army field hospital.

When the little ones saw him, they called out, " Doc! Doc! "Peeta would kneel or sit on the floor to get down to their eye level. He listened to them, drew pictures on the ground with them, using side walk caulk, that he carried in his pack and just simply played with them.  After, if he could, he would play soccer with the older children with a child like enthusiasm, his cheeks would redden, his shirt would be wet with perspiration.  Through all of his exertions, Peeta was smiling and laughing. Cressida had the thought that in these moments, Peeta was shaking off pain and sadness, he had yet to tell her about. Peeta loved stuffing candy treats into his med kit, and he would happily distribute them to the little ones. 

Cressida was also caught up in the activities of the day. Peeta had made efforts to include her, in all he did that day and she found herself enjoying her interactions with the parents and their children of the village. She found herself enjoying herself and laughing like she had, when she was a little girl. She did not want the day to end and head back to the monotony of the camp. Cressida thought to herself, that when Peeta had his own children, they would be very lucky and very loved. That thought made her inexplicitly happy.

She wanted to know more about Peeta.  She put her reporting skills to researching Peeta Mellark.  She found out that of the medics assigned to this company, the casualties, who Peeta had treated had the best survival rates.  Peeta had been awarded the, Combat Medical Badge.  Since his enlistment, he had already earned his Associates Degree and he had recently applied for admission to the Armed Forces Language School.

Cressida had interviewed Captain Boggs, who was one of the trauma surgeons assigned to Camp X-Ray.  the Captain was a regular at Peeta and Finn's weekly poker game. The Captain was a great doctor.  He was funny as hell. Unfortunately, for him, he was one of the shittiest card players on the planet.

The interview addressed the chain of critical care that was in place for trauma patients.  The Captain spoke about the crucial role the medics played in the care of the wounded.  Peeta's name was mentioned.  The surgeon without prompting said, " Doc, needs to stop fucking around.  He has to get his ass back to college, and go to medical school.  Doc, would make one hell of a surgeon."

Cressida thought to herself. " Wow, Peeta's got skills."

Cressida appreciated that Peeta made her laugh.  She liked men with an easy sense of humor. 

She contrasted Peeta with John, her boyfriend.

 _John was adored by legions of fans. He was outgoing, talented_ , _handsome and ambitious. But, for all his money and fame , he was easily frustrated and hypersensitive.  As a couple, they definitely did not lack for passion.  Perhaps, they had too much passion.  Cressida did like the feeling of being desired by John.  However, he was often jealous and possessive.  He and Cressida had gotten into some intense, alcohol fueled fights,  that had made the covers of  the gossip magazines an TV shows.  After these blowouts, John was very apologetic and she could count on him sending her an expensive, outlandish gift._

In truth, Cressida liked the glamor and excitement of Hollywood, New York and Washington.  This was the world she knew.

Then there was Peeta Mellark.

Peeta was the polar opposite of her boyfriend.  The younger Rangers gravitated to Peeta.  They saw Finnick and Peeta as seasoned leaders.  Even when Finnick would loose patience, with some of the younger men.  Peeta always made time for the FNGs. ( Fucking New Guys)

Major Abernathy always smelled like a distillery.  Anyone, who did not know the Major might be prone to dismiss the old man.  They would be wrong.  The Major said, " I have a shitload of life experience."  He was not shy about sharing his observations.  The Major had said something that struck Cressida.

" Sweetheart you want to learn about what it means to be a leader watch Doc and O'dair.  Some men think they can lead because they have the biggest dick and some men lead through their own example.  Those two are always out front, wading through the shit. That's what those two soldiers do every day. That is leadership."

When Cressida asked about Peeta's family and his previous life stateside.  Peeta spoke lovingly about Delly, his brother's, father and the Cartwright's, but his face darkened, and he became unusually taciturn, when she asked about his mother. Cressida shrewdly backed off.

Cressida asked Finnick, what he knew about Peeta's family. " Darling, Doc went through combat long before he ever came here.  That's all I'm going to say. It ain't my story to tell."

What did that mean? What had happened to Peeta? Finnick's comments only fueled her desire to know more about Peeta Mellark and to get closer to him.

Cressida liked the way Peeta looked.  She liked watching him play basketball with the other Rangers, in a tee shirt and shorts.  She liked the whole package.  She was mesmerized by his smile, his blue eyes and blond hair.  His lean muscle's didn't ruin the picture either.  She mostly liked that he seemed to be comfortable in his own skin.

What about Delly Cartwright?  Who was she to Peeta? Cressida learned that Peeta had grown up with Delly Cartwright and at some point during his childhood, her parents had became his legal guardians. He called her parents, " Mom and Pop." Peeta told Cressida that he loved Delly's parents very much and they had quite literally saved his life. But Cressida wondered, what was his current relationship with Delly Cartwright? It was clear that he loved her, but he seemed conflicted and confused, as to what that meant for the two of them.

Cressida was angry with herself. " Why the hell does that matter any way?" Peeta and Cressida came from such different worlds.  She grew up in Washington, DC.  She was the daughter of two prominent attorneys.  All her life, she had been surrounded by the trappings of power and privilege.  It was commonplace to have her parents entertaining a senator one weekend and a Hollywood star the next.

How could Peeta fit into her world? Would he even want to?

She told herself that this simply was an assignment. It merely was a stepping stone to much bigger opportunities in New York or Washington DC.  She was not going to  develop real feelings now for any man, let alone a soldier, no matter how striking his blue eyes were.  Affairs of the heart would have to wait for a time, when she was riding an anchor desk in Washington or New York. But, she kept wondering what it would be like to kiss Peeta Mellark.

She told herself to distance herself from Peeta.  But, she could not deny herself.  While she could, she wanted to be with Peeta.

When she asked him about his future plans.  He said, " I don't know. Maybe I will get a nursing degree.  Maybe I will try medical school. Maybe I'll give my art a chance." He was quiet and deliberate with his words.  " Cressida, while I am in this shit hole, I can't afford to think that far ahead."

Her on air reporting resulted in a very significant bump in the ratings, for the network's evening news, time slot.  Her back and forth with Peeta and Finnick proved to be very popular with the viewers.

Peeta and Fiinick were naturals on camera.  She particularly enjoyed putting Peeta on the spot and the watching as this good natured man, would come up with just the right thing to say.  She liked that he never seemed perturbed.  He would laugh at himself, his broad smile would break out and his cheeks would turn pink. 

Cressida thought to herself, " Damn, he is cute."

" This is Cressida Jones reporting from Camp X Ray here in Afghanistan, where my crew and I have been embedded with these Army Rangers."

" Ceaser, this is Staff Sargent Peeta Mellark. Sargent Mellark is a combat medic.  He is simply known by the men here as, Doc."

" Sargent, this is Ceaser Flickerman here in New York.  How are you young man?"

" Hello Ceaser and greetings from scenic Helmund Province, Afghanistan.  Well Ceaser, we are doing as well as expected."

" Peeta, may I call you Peeta? Can you tell us what it has been like over the past month?"

" Well Ceaser, it's Spring here and it is known as the fighting season.  The shit storm is in full swing. Oh! I can't say shit on live TV.  I'm sorry."

Cressida laughed off camera.

" Peeta, I see you are carrying a weapon.  I thought Medics were not allowed to carry weapons into combat."

" Well Ceaser, medics are authorized to carry weapons.  This is an M-4 carbine and I also carry a semi-automatic pistol. However, Ceaser I much prefer to function as a person, who treats the injured with my med kit."

"Peeta, what do you miss the most, from home?"

Peeta smiled, " Well Ceaser, I would very much like people to stop trying to kill me.  I'd like to take a long, long hot shower, sleep in a soft bed, have a cup of coffee that doesn't taste like sawdust, and as the son of a baker, I would like a much better grade of baked goods in the mess."

" Baked goods?"

" Yes Ceaser, I miss my Dad's cheese buns.  You have not lived until you tasted my Dad's cheese buns."  Peeta's eyes twinkled, " Mellark's Bakery, RT. 25, Oyster Bay, L.I. Hey Dad! I thought you could use the plug!"

" Before we go.  Sargent is there anyone you want to say hello to?"

Peeta looked into the Camera, " Dad, Rye, Francis I miss you guys.  I am keeping myself safe."

Cressida noted that Peeta said nothing to his mother.

" Delly, Mom and Pop.  I love you and I will be home soon."  He looked at Finnick standing off camera, then turned fully toward the camera. " Annie, don't worry.  Finn and I are looking out for each other.  We keep each other safe.  Finn will be home soon.  I promise."

Cressida steadied herself. Her eyes were growing moist. " What the fuck? Get a hold of your self girl."

" Thank you Sargent. We all want you to come home safe."

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Decisions, Decisions

As the column proceeded toward its objective.  Cressida noticed an increase in tension in Peeta. She herself felt a growing apprehension.

Peeta checked and rechecked the action on his carbine.

Finnick was in the lead Humvee with Lt. Jackson. Jackson was new to the company and though he graduated near the top of his class at the point, he was leaning on Finnick's experience and combat savvy for this operation.

The Humvee's in the column maintained a tight hold on each other.  Apache attack copters roared overhead, providing close air support.

Peeta had finished fleshing out the details of todays mission for Cressida.  There objective was a compound in a valley the Rangers had labeled, "The Arena."  In the two previous engagements conducted against the compound, casualties had been high.  Today the Rangers and a detachment of airborne troopers, were going to destroy the Taliban's command and control capabilities in this sector once and for all.

Peeta felt the fatigue of the last few days wash over him. He could not keep up this level of vigilance and be sharp, when they were deep in the shit.  He needed a few moments to collect himself.

He closed his eyes and his thoughts drifted back to yesterdays meeting with the old man.

Major Haymitch Abernathy was definitely an officer, who was opposite of spit and polish.  He was known to be sarcastic and profane.  His fatigues were wrinkled and often had an unidentifiable stain on them. Everyone knew that he kept a bottle of Wild Turkey in his desk drawer and he was not ashamed of having the reputation of having a wee nip on occasion.  Haymitch joked that the occasions were Breakfast, Lunch and Supper an anytime in between. 

Haymitch was married to an army nurse.  He met Captain Effie Trinket, when he was stationed at the Pentagon, in Washington DC.  She was the Nurse Manager of the Rehabilitation Department at Walter Reed Military Hospital.

Effie was the polar opposite of her husband . She took great pride in her appearance both in and out of uniform. Effie was a fixture on the Washington party circuit.  She like Cressida had been the child of Washington wealth and power and was the daughter of an influential lobbyist and his socialite wife.

It caused a minor scandal in her family, when Effie went to nursing school and later joined the Army.  The women of her family just did not make those kind of choices.  She never regretted making that decision. She garnered a great deal of satisfaction helping the wounded women and men under her care, regain some measure of independence.

Every night before she went to sleep, she prayed for her husband safety and if Haymitch was wounded on the line, she hoped someone would care and comfort him, the way she cared for these men and women.

There hadn't been a day since they first met, that they did not try to communicate with each other.  She lovingly called him, "my old drunk" and he called her, "my pain in the ass."  For all his bitching and moaning Haymitch was a happy man.

Haymitich did know his profession,  He had earned a reputation for being a hard charging soldier and a sharp tactician. He had given the Taliban several nasty surprises.  His men respected him and they knew he was looking out for them.

Peeta was puzzled.  What did the old man want with him? 

Aa he walked across the compound soldiers called out to him, " Hey Doc! Hey Professor! What's up?" Peeta waived back to them.  

Peeta entered into the company's H.Q.  Peeta acknowledged the company clerk. " Hey Smitty is the old man ready for me?"  " Hold on Doc."  Smitty yelled at the top of his lungs. " Doc is here for you, Sir!"  Haymitch yelled back, " Yeah, send the kid in!"  Smitty mustered up as much formality as possible, " The Major will see you now."  Peeta laughed and said, " Outstanding." 

He walked in and snapped off a salute.  The old man made a gesture, that some might interpret as a salute. Haymitch gestured for Peeta to take a seat.  Peeta saw his personnel jacket sitting on the Major's desk.

" How are you kid? Well that was some cluster fuck yesterday."  Peeta immediately felt his face flush. " Well cluster fuck is one way of putting it Sir.  What actually happened is that we blundered into their kill box and they ripped the shit out of us!"

He flashed back to yesterday's firefight. It was short and viscous, with the Rangers grappling with the Taliban at close quarters. No man was offered or gave any quarter. Peeta again heard the explosions from the RPG's and the mortar rounds.  He saw Finnick directing the fire team and once again he felt the fear and fury, that had gripped him like a vice.

Peeta saw and felt himself firing his weapon.  He smelled cordite in the air.  He again was moving steadily forward, emptying clip after clip, firing point blank, into the wave of the oncoming enemy.  Sweat was dripping down his face.  He was aware of bullets striking the rocks at his feet. He heard the sound and shock of explosions and the cries of anguish from the wounded and dying.

Time was distorted for Peeta.  He was standing in front of the Major, but he was also treating a young Ranger. There were two gaping holes in his chest. 

Most people think that a flak jacket actually stops bullets. It doesn't. Peeta through bitter experience, could attest to that.

The soldier was rapidly bleeding out. For all his efforts, all Peeta could really do was to administer morphine to manage the boy's pain.

The boy died in Peeta's arms.  

After what he had done and witnessed, Peeta wondered if he would ever feel normal again. How could he talk to any one about this day, without their seeing him as a monster or insane?

Peeta tried to center himself. His hands shook.  God, he needed a smoke.

Haymitch placed a hand on Peeta's shoulder.  He spoke quietly. " Doc, you did what you had to. You always do."

Peeta calmed himself. "Thank you sir. You wanted to see me?"

The Major looked closely at Peeta.  He liked this soldier.  The kid wasn't full of shit. The damn boy had proven himself, since day one of his deployment.  Mellark was smart and ambitious.  However, he never lorded his smarts over any of the enlisted or other NCOs.  The boy was able to make most folks feel comfortable and put them at ease.

The toll of being on the line was showing in the kid's face.  For a young man, he now had old man's eyes. The kid had seen too much.  He had seen things, that he never would never be able to erase.

He and Effie tried to have kids, but it wasn't in the cards.  Effie wanted a baby so much, but she suffered two miscarriages.  Both miscarriages put her in the hospital.  The memory of almost losing her, was too much to ever put her health in jeopardy again.  Haymitch thought that if that first child survived,  Doc and that boy might be around the same age.

Haymitch said, " Doc, please take a seat. You ok?"

" Yes Sir"

The Major picked up Peeta's personnel jacket.  " Doc, do you know what you're going to do, when your enlistment is up?  Son, do you have any plans?"  Peeta frowned. He thought, " What is this all about?"  " Sir, I don't have any plans.  I thought I would figure it out, once I was discharged."

" Well son,  I guess that is one way to go. But, your Uncle Sammy would like you to stick around. What do you think?" 

" I am not following you sir."

" Doc, I am recommending you for the Green to Gold program.  The Army wants to send you to complete your undergraduate degree and send you to Officer Candidate School.  How does Lieutenant Mellark sound to you?"

Peeta gave the old man a blank stare.  He truly did not know, what to say.

The Major laughed, " Well now lookie here.  I got the soldier, who never runs out of words, to shut up."

" Doc your FitReps (fitness reports) are uniformly excellent. You know your strengths.  I don't have to blow your horn for you.  The Army recognizes soldiers with smarts, talent and skills and we want to mentor these soldiers.  The opportunities, that come from being part of the Officer Corps are incalculable.  This offer is not made to every grunt.  We see an officer in you Doc."

" I want you to give this careful consideration son.  There is something else to consider, while you make your decision.  Civilians suck!  Peeta shook his head and chuckled, " Roger that sir."  " You know its true Doc. They cant figure out how to wipe their own asses.  Too much exposure to civilians definitely lowers you IQ and I don't want that for you."

After Peeta left the Major's office, the conversation kept replaying in Peeta's mind, on a continuous loop.  He had been offered the opportunity to complete his degree and go to OCS.

What the fuck was he gonna do?

 

 


	6. Tragedy

The conversation with the Major kept replaying in Peeta's mind.

He had up until this point in his enlistment chosen to defer any major life decisions, until after he was separated from the Army.  Now he was being forced to consider his future.  What would it mean to commit to an additional seven years to the service?

Peeta was proud of his service, but wasn't two tours enough?

Finnick in his head and his heart was already living back in the Sunshine State.  He was waking up with Annie, feeding his baby, captaining his boat on the Gulf of Mexico with a hold filled with the bounty of the sea.

Finnick had asked Peeta to come live with them. " Doc, its beautiful down there. You'll love it! We'll be a family! Annie would love it!  Uncle Peeta and little Finn forever!"

When Finn got a full head of steam, nothing could dampen his energy.  He was a force of nature.  That's what Peeta loved about his friend.  Fiinick O'dair was enthusiasm  personified. Peeta laughed and put arm around his friend. " Finn we'll figure this out, after my discharge."  That seemed to mollify Finn.  He walked away happy.  He would soon be a free man, living the life he wanted with the woman he adored.

Peeta thought about his future and the changes that were taking place at home.

Pop was selling the shoe store.  The competition from big box stores and the internet was steadily eating into his profits.  A real estate developer had recently made an offer on his property.  It just didn't make sense to continue to hold on.  Mom was going to retire soon from the Town Clerk's Office. 

His own father was going to step away from the business aspect of the bakery. He would still be very involved in the creative side of the bakery. However, he was looking to his son's to take charge of the business. Peeta missed his father and brothers. In spite of their bitter past, Peeta wanted a connection with his own family. He missed helping out at the bakery. He wanted the bakery to continue to be part of his life.  Peeta remembered the bakery as a place of wonderful smells, warmth, nurturance and artistry. It had been a sanctuary for a young boy, who faced pain and anguish everyday in his own home.

Then there was Delly.  They had both been dancing around their feelings for years.

Peeta knew that there would never be a resolution, while he was halfway around the world serving in the Army.

Delly was moving forward with her life.  She was now working at the World Bank and was commuting between D.C. and New York.  Peeta was incredibly proud of her.  Whatever Delly had set her mind to, she had mastered. She had excelled academically, earned her MBA and now was the consummate financial professional. She had developed a reputation for being a cutting edge financial analyst.  Her expertise in the overseas currencies' markets was held in high regard in the financial community.

Delly was dating Thom, who was an attorney for one of Washington's most influential lobbying firms.  Peeta liked Thom a great deal and knew that Delly had developed real feelings toward him. However, when Peeta thought about the two of them together, he felt an undeniable pang of jealousy. Peeta knew he had no claim on Delly's affections. He also knew, that if he pursued OCS and was commissioned, it would spell the end of any potential relationship between them. 

Finally, Peeta questioned if he wanted to continue to be part of this slaughter house.  He knew the toll that constant exposure to combat, pain and death had taken on his psyche.  Anyone who said that this kind of life did not affect them was either a fucking liar or a sociopath.

Up until his conversation with the Major, Peeta had wanted to be done with the Army.  He was done with the chaos of battle, the moans of the wounded and the smell of death. He asked himself, " Had anything really changed? "

The Humvee hit a rock on the rough road , which sent a shock up Peeta's spine.  It shook him from his reverie.  " Get your head out of your ass Mellark."  Peeta scolded himself, " Wake the fuck up Peeta!"

Soon they would reach their objective and the shit storm would begin.

The radio chatter increased between the Humvees and the Apaches.

" Cressida, I want you and your crew to stick like glue to Finnick and the Lieutenant."  Cressida nodded.  Peeta went on, " Don't expose yourself.  Do you understand?  You and your crew will make a tempting target."

At that moment, an explosion ripped apart the Humvee directly behind them.  Peeta shouted, " Jesus Christ! RPG! Everybody out!"  He thought to himself, " Our intel sucks!  Fuck! They knew we were coming! "

Heavy machine gun fire erupted from the Humvees.  The Rangers were already starting to move up the rocky slopes of the adjacent canyon. Bullets from AK 47s, Russian made Dushka, heavy machine guns and insurgent mortar rounds were falling like rain on the advancing Rangers.

Finnick was shouting orders to the advancing Rangers.  Peeta scanned the field.  He did not see the Lieutenant.  Was the Lieutenant down? Finnick appeared to be in command.  He was directing fire at the insurgent's positions.

The Apache gunships roared in. They fired their Gatling guns and let loose with their Hellfire missiles.  The noise of the battle was deafening.

" Man down! Man down! Medic! Medic!"

" Whose down? Where is he?"  Peeta searched the rocky terrain and located the wounded soldier.  Peeta put his head down and ran to the wounded soldier.  Peeta saw that it was one of the FNGs ( Fucking New Guys) " What's his name? I can't remember his name."

Peeta did an assessment of the soldier injuries.  The boys legs were shredded by shrapnel and they were bleeding profusely.  Bone and muscle were exposed. 

" Son, what is your name? " The soldier was disoriented and in shock.  He could not answer. Peeta continued his examination.  A mortar round exploded close by.  Peeta instinctively covered the boy with his own body.

Peeta heard Cressida yelling, " Stay with Doc! Keep the camera on Doc."

"Fucking stubborn woman," he thought. " Get that shit out of my face!" He screamed at her cameraman.

Peeta knew that the boy was losing blood at an alarming rate.  He cut away the boys pants and applied battlefield tourniquets and trauma bandages to both legs.  the boy had lost a great deal of blood and was in shock.  The Ranger was moaning in pain.  Peeta gave the soldier a shot of morphine. " This should help with the pain."  He said it more for himself. He knew that the kid could not hear him. Peeta retrieved his Fast One infusion kit.  He had to administer fluids to the boy.

Even with all he had done, it still might be too late for this soldier.

Peeta radioed for a Medevac chopper.

Someone yelled, " Hit the deck!"  Peeta dropped to the ground.  The sound of heavy machine gunfire reverberated through the air.  He heard the crack of a bullet past his ear.

" Where is the son of a bitch? Anybody see him?" Finnick yelled.

A bullet struck the rock beside Peeta's head.  This was followed by a shower of lead ripping past his body.

The Rangers returned fire. They peppered the slope desperate to find a target, while the enemy kept up his relentless fire, seeking out new victims.

Peeta continued to shield the wounded soldier with his body.  God he wanted to move, but the bullets kept striking close to him.  He felt the sting of shattered rock fragments striking his face.

The Rangers behind him kept up their fire.  Peeta and the wounded soldier were fully exposed. The enemy gunner seemed to be specifically targeting them.

He craned his neck looking for Cressida. She had sought cover behind a large rock outcropping. The fucking cameraman was still filming him.  Peeta thought, " Well if I die, it probably will be shown during prime time.  Maybe it will help her ratings."

Peeta heard Finn shout, " Move you ass.  Keep low. Use cover.  When the bastard fires we'll be able to sight him."  The Rangers were on the move.  They slowly and methodically made their way up the rocky slope.

Finnick saw the muzzle flash and he knew for certain where the emplacement was.  Finnick was in command.  Peeta did not know that the lieutenant was one of the first fatalities.

Peeta saw Finn stand to his full height and fire his weapon. " Get the fuck down!" Peeta shouted.  Smoke obscured Peeta's vision. " What is that asshole doing?"

The Rangers had maneuvered themselves close in to the emplacement.  Their fire was now focused and directed toward the target.

Two Rangers crawled on their bellies toward the machine gun.  They inched their way over the rough, rocky ground.  Finally, they were close enough to lob grenades into the emplacement.  Three explosion went off in rapid succession.  An eerie silence followed.

" Medic! Doc! Sarge is down! Sarge is down!"  Peeta felt panic rising in him. " Not Finn! Not Finn! " Peeta ran full bore to his friend.

When Peeta got to Finn, he saw that his pallor was a sickly shade of white.  Finn had taken a bullet to his chest.  Finn looked at Peeta and griped Peeta's hand.  He struggled to speak, he could not formulate words.  A gurgling sound emanated from his chest. 

" Finn please, you have to let go so I can work on you.  Let go brother, so I can help you."  Finn released his grip.

Peeta thought, " Annie, Annie I am so sorry."

Finnicks pulse was weak and thready.  His breathing was labored and shallow. 

As Peeta cut away Finn's shirt.  The big man started to seize violently.  Peeta tried to desperately to still Finnick's seizures.  Then the seizures abruptly stopped.

He wasn't breathing and his heart stopped. Peeta immediately started CPR. " Don't die. Don't die. Don't die," was said in time with the chest compressions. Peeta kept administering CPR.  Sweat ran down his face. His clothes were drenched in his perspiration. His arms and hands began to cramp.  When Peeta could not do the compressions any longer, another Ranger took over.

It became painfully obvious that no matter how long CPR was administered. Finnicks heart would never beat on its own and he would never draw another breath. Finnick O'dair was dead.

Peeta looked at the body of his friend in disbelief.  The other Rangers were in shock.  No one spoke.  Cressida was trying to hold back her sobs. She dropped her microphone to the floor.

The fucking cameraman finally stopped filming. What more was there to see?

Peeta pushed his emotions down.  He would grieve later. He was still had work to do. The younger Ranger still needed his care.

The Medevac chopper was in bound and he was going to keep this fucking kid alive.

As Peeta jogged back to the wounded Ranger, the final tragedy occurred.

Someone yelled, " Incoming!" A lone motar round exploded no more than 15 feet from Peeta.  The force of the explosion knocked Peeta off his feet.

He was stunned and disoriented friom the blast. His ears and nose were bleeding and he could not hear over a high pitched ringing in his head. When he had the wherewithal, he gazed down at his legs.

Something was wrong!

Something was very wrong!

Where was his left leg?  There was nothing there but bloody pulp.

As Peeta looked down at his body, a strange calm came over him.  He looked at his injuries as if they belonged to someone else.  He knew he was disassociating. " So this is what it feels like to go into shock."

Peeta felt soft feminine hands caressing his face.  He recognized her perfume.  Cressida was speaking to him.  He could not hear her over the ringing in his ears. " What is she saying to me? She is so beautiful. Why is she crying? Is she crying for me? "

Cressida was talking to Peeta. " Stay with me.  Please stay with me."

Peeta started to tremble.  He was so cold.

He was with Cressida, but he was also standing on the front porch with Mom on a snowy, cold day.

It was a good day to play in the snow and he was going sledding with Delly.

" Mom I'll wear my hat. Delly is waiting l promise I will bundle up."

Tears were streaming down Cressida's face.  Peeta looked her directly in her eyes. " She is so pretty and nice. I wish I'd kissed her."

A part of Peeta knew his brain was shutting down due to trauma and severe blood loss.  He knew he was starting to hallucinate.

" Mom, where is Delly? I really miss Delly." 

Peeta was just so tired. " Mom I really don't want to to go outside.  I'm so tired. I want to take a nap.  Can I go to sleep?"

He felt his Moms warm embrace.  She always loved him, even when his own mother didn't. She kept him safe.  He heard her say, " Its ok sweetheart.  Your such a good boy. You can close your eyes. You can go to sleep."

Peeta loved his Mom and thought she was the smartest lady he ever met.  He always tried to do what she said.

So Peeta Mellark closed his eyes and went to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. The Wonder Twins, Part I

Delly Cartwright could fall in love with Thom Michaels, if she let herself.  He was intelligent, funny and sweet and he definitely was not hard on the eyes. She loved his dark, expressive eyes. She knew that Thom loved her. 

They just had a wonderful evening. They tried out a local Italian restaurant, that had gotten rave reviews on Zagat. They both ordered the Veal Masala, which was delicious and the two bottles of the house red wine, truly complimented the meal.

Their conversation was light and flirty.  After dinner they went to a local jazz club and shared another bottle of red wine. They then took a slow walk by the Potomac. Thom never let her hand go. Delly liked that.

Thom wanted to be with Delly.  He wanted them to move into his Alexandria, Virginia Townhouse.  She would have done it already, except for one major obstacle.  He was not Peeta Mellark, the man she had grown up with, who had overcome horrendous abuse, with grace and empathy and still held her heart in his calloused soldiers hands.

Delly Cartwright loved Peeta. They called each other friends, but they were so much more then that.  They loved each other, but now separated by an ocean, mountains and a war, both Peeta and Delly were struggling to define, what the nature of that love was.

Delly knew that Peeta loved to hear from her.  Delly was Peeta's touchstone to an earlier, innocent time. In his E-Mails or Skype chats, Peeta would minimize what was actually happening in Afghanistan.  He was still telling her his corny jokes and making her laugh. He would always asked how her career was progressing.

The only tension that emerged between the two of them, was when he asked her about Thom. They both had learned to quickly put distance between themselves and that topic.

Delly knew that Peeta was practiced at keeping these conversations light.  So they laughed together, as if he was not half a world away. However she noticed Peeta's weight loss and the deep circles under his eyes and it worried her. She was not naïve. She consumed any and all news on the war. She knew that Peeta was shielding her from the hard truth.

Delly and Peeta had know each other since Kindergarten. The two blond haired, blue eyed friend were often mistaken as siblings. They knew each other well enough to complete each other sentences.

As children, they spent hours drawing with colored chaulk, climbing trees, riding their bikes, eating the chocolate brownies that Peeta brought from the bakery and watching endless hours of cartoons.

The two friends would love to tell silly knock, knock jokes and then double over with laughter. The Wonder Twins were attached at the hip. ( Delly came up with the Wonder Twins.  Peeta thought the Wonder Twins had the worst superpowers, but he kept it to himself)  Mr. Cartwright said the two friends were super glued at the together.

Peeta was a fixture at the Cartwright house.  In truth, Delly's parents loved this little blond boy with his sweet disposition and endless questions.  Peeta called Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright, " Mom and Pop."  Her parents called Peeta, " Our other kid. "  Peeta's place at their dinner table was assured.

Where Delly was, so was Peeta.  He went with Delly and her family to the Jersey Shore for Summer weekends or joined her family for day trips to Jones Beach, L.I.

Peeta would spend the bulk of the Christmas break with his own family, but the best part of Christmas was the time he could spend drinking hot chocolate, sledding and skating with the Cartwright's.

It was fine with Delly, that Peeta made her house, his almost home.  The less time they spent at his house, the better.  She intensely disliked Peeta's mother. She always seemed so angry with Peeta.  How a mother could be so mean to this kind, sunny boy was a mystery to Delly.

Delly began to notice changes in her friend.  He seemed to be sad.  She didn't know why.  What could be making her best friend sad?

Normally Peeta had the appetite of a Great Dane and Mom loved to cook for Peeta.  His chubby face would light up in delight, when she made his favorite meal of Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and Peas. Now he barely had any appetite.

Peeta started having difficulties in school. How was that possible?  He was just so smart.

Delly noticed that Peeta was chewing his finger nails

The little boy, who a short time ago was full of energy, just seemed so tired and listless. He would often fall asleep on the couch, while they were watching cartoons.  He seemed to especially crave Moms hugs and when either Mom or Pop would offer him a snuggle, he would burrow in deep and sigh.

Delly was starting to worry.

Peeta looked so sad, when Mr. Mellark would come to take him home. If it was a weekend night, Mom would often succeed in persuading Mr. Mellark to let Peeta stay overnight.  Mom knew something was wrong at the Mellark's.  If she could shield Peeta and keep him safe for one more evening, she was happy.  Pop was always on board with this.  He loved weekend mornings with his daughter and Peeta.

Delly noticed that red marks made an appearance on Peeta's face.  He would attempt to joke, " You know that I fall a lot. I'm just clumsy is all."  Delly just knew that these marks were made by a hand, but whose hand?

Peeta's daddy seemed to be real nice and as far as big brother go, Peeta's didn't seem so bad.  Could Peeta's mommy do this to him? Mommies don't do this to their children.  Do they?

Peeta's teacher and guidance counselor became increasingly concerned about Peeta.  This bright inquisitive boy had become withdrawn and irritable.  The boy who was always laughing and playing, with other children at recess, now only sat with Delly.

The school contacted Peeta's parents for a meeting.  Only Mr. Mellark attended.  Mrs. Mellark just could not come. She had to run the bakery.  There simply was no coverage.  After all there was a business to run.

Peeta's father seemed genuinely concerned for his son. He told the school, that Peeta did seem a little down.  He promised to work with the school and follow up with outside counselling. None of that happened.

Mom and Pop were increasingly concerned with what was happening with Peeta.  They saw this loving, happy boy become sad, anxious and withdrawn.  When they asked Peeta, if there was anything bothering him, his eyes would water and he would haltingly say, " Everything is ok." Mom loved Peeta and she new something was wrong.  She gently pulled Peeta into her loving embrace and said they were his family.  He could tell them anything. The little boy welled up and wept into her chest.  He begged the Cartwright's not to make problems for his mommy and daddy.

Mr. Cartwright was infuriated by what was happening to this little boy. How could parents do this to a child?  Peeta was such a good kid.  Christ on a cross, didn't they see that?  He didn't understand the Mellark's.  He didn't want to cause problems and get the state involved, but if this shit continued, that was exactly what would happen.

The big man, went to talk to Peeta's father.  He told him if something did not change and goddamned soon, they would take matters into their own hands.  Mr. Mellark ever the apologist, promised that he had spoken to his wife.  Peeta was safe.  It all would be fine.  He was working to make things better for Peeta.  He was getting his whole family into counselling.  He swore Peeta would be safe.

That proved to be false.

The next day was a Saturday.  Peeta was late in coming over.  Delly felt a degree of worry, she had never felt before.  When he walked up their front porch steps,  Peeta had what could only be described as a blacked left eye.  He also had scratches on his neck.  This was the last draw. Mom and Pop could and would no longer allow this situation to continue. 

Peeta pleaded with them not to call Child Protective Services.  He didn't really know what that meant, but he knew it would be bad for his mommy and daddy.  " Please don't call! Mommy doesn't mean it. I am a bad boy. I do things to make her made."

_Dr. Mellark and his wife took a special interest in the prevention and treatment of child abuse.  They served as advisors to the State Child Protective Services. Peeta would get deeply involved in the lives of his patients, who were victims of child abuse and maltreatment.  As he saw it, he was a Pediatrician first and an Oncologist second._

Mom held the crying boy and told him soothingly, that he was such a good boy and that loved him.  They were going to stop this terrible thing from continuing.

Delly hugged her Peeta and she found herself crying for her friend. She told him to trust her mommy and daddy.  She knew they would take care of him.

Delly knew something bad had been happening to her best friend.  This sweet girl, felt something she had never felt before.  She felt a horrible, white hot feeling growing deep inside her . She did not know how to label this feeling.  When she was older, she would recognize this feeling as hatred.  She felt hatred toward Peeta's parents.  His mommy hurt him bad and his daddy did not protect him.  They hurt her Peeta.

_Years latter with Peeta's help, Delly would learn to forgive Mr. Mellark,  She would always hate his mother._

The Cartwright's called the child protective hotline.  A full investigation followed. The abuse was substantiated.

The Cartwright's found out the extent of abuse and maltreatment that Peeta suffered at the hands of his mother and it sickened them.  Delly never found out the extent of the massive abuse and maltreatment, that her friend suffered.  Peeta would never ever talk to Delly about what happened to him.  It would remain an open wound for Peeta, well into adulthood.

Peeta was formerly placed with the Cartwright's. They were now appointed by the court to be Peeta's legal guardians. Peeta's father did not fight the decision and in fact felt deep gratitude toward the Cartwright's. His son was finally safe.

Child Protective Services would remain involved with the Mellark family for quite some time.

Mrs. Mellark was court ordered to receive a full psychological and psychiatric evaluation.  She was given a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and it was determined that she suffered from transient psychotic episodes.  A full home study was completed by the court.  Even though she had not physically attacked her other boys, it was determined, that they were also suffering from depression and suffered significant psychic trauma.

Mrs. Mellark was ordered to leave her home, until she met the requirements of the court.  She was ordered to undergo intensive counselling and was prescribed an antipsychotic medication and a mood stabilizer. She could visit with her other boys, but she could not have contact with Peeta without a professional supervisor being in the room.  This would continue, until she met the mandates of the court.

She steadfastly refused both the counseling and the medication.  She had no interest in meeting with Peeta.  She simply would not comply with the court order, even if it meant losing her son.

It was oh so predictable.

Mom and Pop happily moved Peeta into his own room.  Peeta now truly lived with the Cartwright's.  Peeta missed living with his father and brother, but he had never in his life felt so safe and loved, as he did with Mom and Pop.  Peeta never spent another night sleeping at the Mellark's.

_When Staff Sargent Mellark  came home on leave.  He would enjoy visiting with his father and brothers, but he went home to be with Mom, Pop and Delly.  These were the people he treasured the most._

The Cartwright family believed that there was more then enough love to go around for everyone.  Their house was always filled with neighborhood children playing in the backyard or basement.

Peeta bloomed in this environment.  This was his home.

Delly never felt jealous of the love, hugs or kisses her mother gave to Peeta.  She was happy that her father made time, played with and loved this affectionate little boy.  Peeta positively glowed, when he received their praise and affection and that made Delly incredibly happy. As far as Delly was concerned, he was her Peeta, and they were the Wonder Twins. She would not have it any other way.

Mom and Pop went to both of their, "kids" sporting event, after school activities, art exhibitions and performances.

Mom loved tucking both of her children at night and Pop loved reading both his kids a good night story.

_Years later, no matter in the world  Peeta's duty posting was, he would at least weekly, try to call, Skype or write his Mom and Pop._

_There were times when Peeta would call from Afghanistan, his voice sounding so tired and burdened, after a brief cursory conversation with Delly and Mom, he would ask to speak privately to Pop.  After speaking with Peeta in private, Mr. Cartwright would walk slowly into the family room.  Delly noticed that her father just seemed so sad and his eyes were red rimed. He  would excuse himself and retire for the evening.  He would not speak of his conversation with Peeta._

_It puzzled Delly.  Mom said, " Sweetheart, daddy knows too well, what our boy is going through. Peeta needs him to listen and understand."  
  _

Mr. Mellark started his own intensive counselling and participated in weekly family counseling sessions in an effort to alleviate his own depression and help his boys.

Peeta had regular contact with his father and brothers.  He liked working with his father and helping out in the bakery.  But never when his mother was present.

Peeta spent many hours with his father and brothers in counseling, trying to heal from the trauma and abuse.  Through this process and with the encouragement of the Cartwright's, he reclaimed his relationship with his father.  He never forgave his mother.

In the process of both his own individual and his participation in family therapy, Peeta's father recognized that his marriage was the very definition of toxic and unhealthy both for himself and his boys.

_Halfway through his first hitch in the army , Peeta was told by his father, that his parents were divorcing. Peeta's father said, " It will be a new start for us all."_

_Peeta was happy for his father, he finally would have the life he deserved, but he could not help thinking, " too little, too late."_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. The Wonder Twins, Part II

 

As they grew older, Peeta and Delly's affection for each other, only grew.  

Their childhood preoccupations were replaced by the challenges of teenage life.  Delly loved Peeta, but the nature of that love changed.  She simply didn't see Peeta as a sibling.

She would catch herself gazing at Peeta.  She liked the man that Peeta was becoming.  Peeta had lost his baby fat and lean muscle appeared in its place.

Peeta had endured the emotional crucible of abuse and had emerged as someone, who demonstrated a steadfastness, empathy and maturity, that she did not see in many other boys.

Delly and Peeta were both engaging and social teenagers, who had many friends.  However, Delly much preferred to spend her time with Peeta.  As for Peeta, Delly would remain his favorite person.

Delly liked watching Peeta, while he was sketching or painting.  She was fascinated with his intense concentration and how his blue eyes would darken, as he worked on a project.

When she was with him, she felt a warmth and longing for Peeta, that she didn't think a sibling should feel. It saddened her that Peeta did not feel the same toward her.

Delly was growing into a beautiful, self assured young woman.  When Delly started dating, she found that her dates suffered in comparison to Peeta. 

When Peeta started dating, she felt deep pangs of jealousy, that she struggled to keep to herself.  However, she could not completely censor herself. " You know Peeta, Clove is only using you to make Cato jealous and get into his pants." " That Glimmer is a bitch! Peeta, why don't you date a nice girl?"

Peeta would gently laugh and shake his head, " Delly, relax.  I am just dating.  I am not marrying anyone right now."

Mrs. Cartwright was a smart, perceptive and empathic woman.  She knew how her daughter felt about Peeta.  She spoke gently to Delly and said, " Sweetheart, you can't force things between you and our boy.  What will be, will be. Be patient my love."

Delly rationalized that it was better to have Peeta in her life as a best friend, then have jealousy and resentment ruin the most meaningful relationship she had.  Delly thought she made peace with the fact, that Peeta would never see her, as his girlfriend. Maybe one day, her heart would catch up with her head.

It turned out that Delly was deluding herself.

_After Peeta had been promoted to Staff Sargent, he had come home for an extended leave.  He needed to be with his family.  His time in combat had hurt him.  He was physically and emotionally exhausted.  He felt like a coiled, steel spring. His boyish, calm demeanor was replaced by what was a cold, irritable angry old man.  He longed to be with the people he loved and he particularly needed time with Delly._

_Delly was flourishing in her fellowship, at the corporate headquarters of Citibank and she was being actively recruited for a position at the World Bank in Washington, D.C._

_She had left her sublet apartment in SoHo to come home to Oyster Bay, to be Maid of Honor, for her best girlfriend, Madge._

_Madge was marrying Gale Hawthorn.  Delly had met Gale several times.  He seemed like a nice guy, but way too intense for her taste._

_Marvel was one of the associates at Citibank.  Daddy did not like him at all.  Mr. Cartwright said, " He is a slick, good looking empty suit." Marvel proved to be just the dick, that Delly was afraid he would be.  He gave her a last minute, lame excuse, that he could not escort her to the wedding.  Delly just didn't like cursing, but she told Marvel, in her most lady like way to, " Go fuck himself."_

_" The prick bailed on me," she complained to Madge. Delly it seemed, had no problems cursing with Madge. Madge had grown up playing with the Wonder Twins and she knew full well, how Delly felt toward Peeta. " Sweetie, don't sweat it. The man you really wanted to take, is home on leave and living in your house. Ask Peeta to be your date.  He would never refuse you. He fucking loves you!"  Delly's face turned a bright shade of Crimson. " Dammit Madge! Don't you have any brakes on that mouth of yours?" " No sweetie, that is why you love me. You know I'm right."_

_Delly did know Madge was right, but she was unsure about approaching Peeta.  Though he appeared to be the same loving boy she grew up with, there was a hardness in Peeta's eyes and a harshness in his speech.  She didn't understand the changes she saw in Peeta.  He now seemed to be on edge, scanning his surroundings, as if he was steeling himself for an attack._

_Before now, she had never felt any apprehension in talking with Peeta.  Delly angrily said to himself, " This is my Peeta. What am I afraid of?  My Peeta would never hurt me."_

_Haltingly, Delly asked Peeta to be her date to the wedding._

_Peeta surprised her and gave her his most winning smile.  Without any hesitancy, he told her that he would love to escort her to the wedding and the reception._

_Delly felt a wave of relief flow over her.  She now recognized this boy.  Her Peeta was home._

_Delly looked at herself in the full length mirror and thought. " Damn, I look hot."  She looked exquisite in her blue bridesmaids dress. Any single guy a the reception had better watch out! Madge always had excellent taste.  Delly was free to persue any man she wanted. After all, she and Peeta were just going to the wedding as friends, nothing more._

_However, when Peeta came down from his room in his dress blues, all her old feelings came rushing back. " How can he look so good?" She thought to herself._

_Peeta in turn was dazzled by Delly.  He looked at her with new eyes.  Had she always been this beautiful?  " Holy shit! Delly you look amazing! You are definitely going to steal Madge's spotlight."_

_Delly cursed the fact that she was blushing._

_Mom and Pop couldn't stop themselves from trying to take pictures of their kids.  But, first they had to argue about how this new, stupid digital camera worked._

_The church and the service was beautiful and_ _Madge and Gale made a handsome couple ._

_The reception hall was a converted mansion, located on the waters edge of Oyster Bay, overlooking the Long Island Sound.  It was exquisite._

_At the reception, Delly saw all of her old friends, eye fucking Peeta.  Clove and Glimmer were seated at their table, with their loser boyfriends. The two women were practically drooling, as they gawked at Peeta._

_God damn it! Peeta was the perfect escort.  He was ever attentive, funny as hell and Delly once again, felt that warm feeling grow in her stomach.  Peeta did not let go of her hand and she relished his touch._

_Delly loved dancing with Peeta.  She was feeling very happy and very flirty.  The more she danced and drank with Peeta, the happier she felt._

_The Vodka Tonics eventually caught up with her and she was feeling slightly woozy.  " Peeta can we get some air? "  Peeta looked at Delly with concern.  " Sure Delly."_

_Delly was a little unsteady on her feet. Peeta placed his hand on her lower back and lead her out to the veranda._

_The fresh air helped clear her head.  They continued to hold hands like they had done throughout their lives together.  Peeta put his arm around her waist. They swayed to the music drifting out onto the veranda and looked out at the twinkling lights of the small boats on the Sound. In the distance, you could see the lights of the Connecticut shoreline._

_Delly turned and captured Peeta's gaze.  She was standing under a beautiful night sky and holding the man she trusted most in this life. She thought to herself, " Dear God. I love this man." She looked deeply into Peeta's eyes. " Peeta, I want you to know that I love you.  I will always love you to the day that I die. But, you need to know, that I am not your sister. This is how I feel."_

_Time slowed down. She slowly wet her lips, pulled Peeta in close and then gave him a searing kiss.  Peeta initially stiffened and froze.       " What the fuck is happening? " he asked himself, but then he met her kiss with equal passion.  Good lord! He liked kissing his best friend .  He wanted more of her._

_Delly slowly pulled away and softly said, " I thought you should know where I stand soldier."  She swayed her hips, as she walked back into the reception hall.  Peeta Mellark was stunned.  His best friend stunned the shit out of him._

_The next day, Delly had the mother of all hangovers. Peeta was attentive as always.  He made sure she was hydrated and gave her a steady supply of aspirin, dry toast and tea._

_Though she had a splitting headache and her stomach was doing flips.  Delly was able to say, " Last night, I meant every word."  Peeta took her hand and said , " I love you Delly. I had never allowed myself to think of you as my girlfriend.  I needed you to be my sister.  But, I liked that kiss.  I liked it a lot."  They shyly smiled at each other._

_Things between himself and Delly had just become really complicated.  Peeta thought,  "Maybe complicated isn't so bad."_

 

 

 

 

 


	9. The Wonder Twins, Part III

As they made their way through high school, Delly took note of Peeta's increasing restlessness. He often told her, that he was afraid that he would not make a difference. " A difference in what Peeta?"  " I don't know Delly, but when the opportunity comes, I will know."

Peeta seemed to be searching for something, that was just out of his reach.  Each goal he achieved only served to fuel his restlessness.

On the playing field, Peeta was a fierce competitor. The sport Peeta excelled in was wrestling, where he had earned his spot as team Captain. He wasn't the biggest on the team.  However, he had earned a reputation of being smart, patient and never backing down.

Delly was fascinated by the contrasts in Peeta's personality.  The fierce athlete and excellent communicator, loved music and art, in all its forms.  The Cartwright's had dedicated part of their basement to Peeta's, "studio."  There he would listen to music, talk and laugh with Delly.  His studio allowed him a space, where he could work on his paintings and lose himself in his oils and acrylics.  He participated frequently in school and community art exhibitions. His growing portfolio helped him gain admission to many of the colleges of his choice.

Delly thought that she and Peeta might attend the same university. They had enthusiastically talked about that, as far back as their Freshman year.

Delly was an excellent student.  She did well in all her advanced placement and honors courses.  She excelled in Mathematics and Science.  The business world seemed quite interesting to her.

She dreamed of attending New York University together with Peeta. That dream seemed to materialize, when Peeta was also accepted there. Maybe attending NYU, could be a turning point in their relationship. Perhaps being away from home, living in Manhattan, Peeta might see Delly in a different light.

Shortly thereafter, Peeta told her that he had enlisted.

Delly was devastated.  She was deeply hurt.  How could he do this to her? She saw this as a betrayal by someone she had trusted completely.

She was consumed by rage and anger. But then, a deep terror seized her. She could literally loose him. He could die or be maimed.

She screamed at him. How could he do this?  He had such promise. He was destined to do great things. How could he casually toss aside his hard won opportunities? 

She told him tearfully, that she would always love him, no matter his choices. But, why the fuck was he going into the Army? Did he think that this was his opportunity to make a difference?  That was absurd.

Peeta pulled her in to his arms, dried her eyes and gently told her, " I love you Delliah and I don't expect you to understand me. I just know, that I am not ready for college. I need to make a difference now, not latter. I just know that this is the right decision for me." He paused, " If I don't serve, someone else will."

Delly said, " Fuck some one else Peeta. I only care about you."

Delly wasn't the only one to wonder about Peetas' choice. It puzzled his teachers, coaches, friends, brothers and his father.

Pop, who had served in Vietnam as a Marine, was visibly shaken by Peeta's announcement.  " Peeta, words can't describe what war is like.  You won't believe the cruelty that people will inflict on each other.  I don't want this for you."

_ Two years later, as Peeta was intubating a wounded 19 year old soldier from New Jersey, who was choking to death on his own blood, Peeta ruefully remembered what his gentle Pop had said to him,_

Upon hearing the news, Mom cried and held onto Peeta. " You are my boy. Come back to us. This is your home."

His enlistment shocked his brothers.  They had all worked hard at keeping a connection with their little brother. Rye and Francis had always been impressed with Peeta's kindness, drive and tenacity. They wanted him to be happy as an adult. Enlisting in the military definitely did not seem to be a way of achieving that

They responded to the news of his enlistment with, " Dude, what the fuck? "

Peeta told his confused father, " I love you Dad, but I want to do something bigger than myself and I can't do that here." Peeta shut down any further discussion about his decision.  His mind was made up.

When Peeta left for Fort Benning at the end of August, to report for basic training.  Delly was still convinced it was a dream and she would soon wake up. 

All of Peetas family, both the Mellark's and the Cartwright's came to LaGuardia Airport, to see him off.

Delly was the last to say goodbye to him.  She held him and would not, could not let him go. Panic overwhelmed her. The unthinkable was happening.  He was leaving her, She could not speak.  Words failed her. Finally Peeta whispered in her ear, " I'll love you forever."  He pulled away from her and walked through the TSA checkpoint, toward a life she could barely comprehend.

_Delly sat on her loveseat in her apartment in Alexandria, drinking a cup of hot tea.  She was pleasantly tired.  She had been thinking of her date with Thom.  She also thought of her life with Peeta.  It was clear that she could not move on with Thom until she and Peeta resolved their feelings toward each other._

_She still thought of Peeta as ," Her Peeta."_

_His deployment would be over in less than a year. If she had to put a ball and chain on him, she was going to make sure he was never leaving again. She cursed herself for smiling at the memory of his smile, his clear blue eyes and that kiss. " Dammit Delly, you are pathetic."_

_Delly decided to check her phone, before going to bed. She hadn't wanted anything to interfere with her date with Thom, so she had let her calls go to voicemail and she had turned off the alert for any incoming texts._

_She scrolled through her texts.  There were several work related texts that would wait until tomorrow. Then she read a text from her parents. " Something happened. Please call home."_

_Delly tried to damp down her growing anxiety.  She listened to her last voice message.  It was Daddy. " Delly," his voice sounded so strained. Was that Mom crying? " Please call home something happened."_

_Delly was now panicking._

_She called home. He mother answered. " Delly we have something to tell you." Delly felt sick.  Her heart was racing. " Delly, let me get this out. Peeta was badly wounded.  He had emergency surgery and he_ _has been airlifted to Ramstien Air Force Base in Germany.  He was placed in a medically induced coma."  Her mother hesitated._

_Delly pleaded, " Mom, what else?! Tell me what else!"_

_" My darling, our boy lost his leg. We don't know anything more. His father and brothers have been notified"._

_Delly heard her father crying in the background and  Delly herself was holding back her tears._

_Mom continued, " Delliah, the main thing is our boy is alive.  He is going to come home to us! That is all that matters! He is coming home to his family!"_

_Delly was in shock, She struggled to respond to what her mother said._

_" Mom, I will catch the first flight home. I will call you with the details.  Mommy, I love you. Tell Daddy, I love him."_

_Delly sat immobile on the loveseat.  Her worst nightmare had come to fruition. Peeta was wounded, but he was alive.  He was coming home. She had to hold on to that._

_The shock of the news morphed into bleak sadness.  She wept until the_ _tears would not come._

_Delly sniffed and said out loud, " Pull yourself together. Your family needs you."_

_She had no idea of what the future would hold for Peeta.  Delly only knew, that she was going to be there to help him in what ever way she could._

_She opened her computer and booked the first flight home._

_It was going to be a long journey, for all of them._

 

 

 

 


	10. Somebody I Used to Know

Peeta Mellark had been a very busy man. He had been avoiding phone calls and texts from both Cressida and Annie. He had gotten into a fight over the phone with Delly.  He had told her to," Mind your own fucking business and stop busting my chops about getting counselling." He was getting good at hurting the people he loved.

He had made Mom cry, when he had refused to talk about going to the VA to get counseling. Peeta told her, " Please back off. You are plucking my last nerve. Why do you care any way?  You are not my mother. " As soon as he said it to Mom, he regretted it. But, his false pride stopped him from apologizing. He just kept digging a hole for himself. That hole just got deeper and deeper, each and every day.

His father had asked him to cover a shift for Rye, at the bakery. " Sure Dad, no problem."  It did become a problem, when he failed to show up for his shift and didn't call his father. He always felt bad after fucking up, but not enough to change his behavior.

Yes, Peeta Mellark's schedule was full. He almost didn't have time to get piss drunk and pass out at Rippers Pub.

Getting piss drunk and passing out was now Peetas's main occupation. He had gotten particularly skilled at getting piss drunk and passing out. He had gotten so intoxicated over the last three months, that he ended up in the ER on two separate occasions.

After each incident, Peeta vowed to get his shit together. However, the crushing depression and the effects of PTSD, would erode his resolve and he would start his drinking again. The numbness that resulted from being blind drunk, would blunt the horrific memories and the relentless nightmares, that came to visit him every night.

Peeta opened his eyes. He squinted under the harsh fluorescent lights.

" Mr. Mellark. Mr. Mellark are you awake?"

" Who are you? Where am I?" Peeta looked around. He was lying on a hospital gurney. He then remembered last night at Rippers. " Shit! Shit! Shit! I am in the fucking ER."

" Dear God! Did a horse crap in my mouth?"  He heard the nurse laugh.  She had a nice laugh.

All his muscles ached and he was having difficulty focusing.  He couldn't fully make at the nurse's face. He did find her voice soothing.  He could make out her name tag. It said, Katniss Everdeen, RN, BSN.

She had his wallet and was looking at his military ID. " Mr. Mellark our records tell us you have visited this ER, twice in the last three months and both times, you signed yourself out AMA."  Peeta nodded.  The nurse went on. " Well your vitals are stable, but you are definitely dehydrated.  Dr. Crane would like to admit you overnight, just to make sure everything checks out. That would also give you an opportunity to talk with our Consultation/Liaison Psychiatrist."

Peeta was finally able to focus and he stared at her face. Peeta was used to looks of pity and disgust from most people.  This woman only showed concern. Even in his compromised state, he knew she was beautiful.  She had grey eyes, that reminded Peeta of the ocean on a stormy day. Her olive complexion and her coal black hair perfectly framed her face.  If he were in his right mind, he would feel compelled to paint her portrait.  She was beautiful in puke green scrubs.

_Peeta and Katniss Mellark always celebrated two anniversaries, their wedding day and the day they first met.  Peeta actually had gotten around to painting the memory of that day in the ER and his first vision of his beautiful Katniss in her scrubs, tending to a dirty, disheveled and broken soldier. The painting hung in his office. It was his favorite work of art._

" Ms. Everdeen, I appreciate the concern, but I am not staying.  Give me the AMA and discharge forms and we can both get on with our day."

She took a breath and said softly, " Listen soldier, your in trouble. You know it and I know it. You need help and I am not talking about you leg.  At least talk to our ER, Social Worker."  She looked at his dirty, disgusting camo.  She recognized the Ranger and Airborne patches on the shoulder of his jacket. She knew that this man, had been deep in the shit. " I don't know what happened to you over there, but you never came back. You know, we aren't supposed to leave a man behind. Let us help you."

Peeta was take aback. Was she in the service? This woman was very persuasive. He thought seriously about her offer, but he fucking didn't need their help! He most certainly didn't need her help! He felt his anxiety rising. He was on the verge of a panic attack. He had to leave the hospital now! " Please, just give me the forms. I am not staying!"

Katniss Everdeen just sadly, shook her head.  She came back with the discharge papers and a referral to the hospital's adult psychiatric out-patient clinic.  She handed Peeta his wallet. " Listen Sargent. You deserve better than this. Please let us help you." Peeta smiled at her sadly. He almost said yes, but he couldn't stay here. " Ms. Everdeen, I have to go."

Katniss knew that there was little more that she could do for this soldier today. He seemed so lost. She knew he was permanently injured. He lost more then a leg. He had lost himself in the dessert.

She wanted to help this soldier. Something about him, pulled at her in a way, she did not understand. All she could say was, " Goodbye Mr. Mellark. I hope you stay well. Please, don't come back."  With that, Peeta took his belongings, balanced himself with his cane and limped out of the hospital.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Peeta starts College and has a conversation with Pop.  
> 2\. Get ready for the backstory of Ms. Katniss Everdeen.


	11. School Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, it gets better for Peeta from here.

 

Former Staff Sargent Peeta Mellark, scratched his beard and then shakily lit his third cigarette of the morning. He had a splitting headache resulting from his monstrous hangover. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to get blind stinking drunk, the night before he started classes.

The former Army Ranger, who had once taken great pride in his appearance both in and out of uniform, now looked like, as his Pop had said, "a warmed up shit sandwich."  Frankly, Peeta didn't care.  The recipient of the Bronze Star and the Purple Heart reeked of alcohol, urine and cigarette smoke.

After waking up on his apartment floor, it was a miracle, that he drove himself to the campus today. Peeta was a douche bag, but he made a promise to Pop to give college a fair shot and he was going to try and not back out of a commitment he made to the man, he saw as his father.

So he sat on the bench, looking out onto the quad.  Peeta muttered under his breath, " Fucking babies! I bet they still wet the bed."  Peeta then remembered, that he had wet his own bed just the other night, when he had blacked out from drinking. 

He felt a growing anxiety in his chest and stomach, as he watched the young students scurry across the campus to get to their classes. How was he ever going to fit in here?

A campus police officer approached Peeta. " Excuse me sir. This is a smoke free campus.  The signs are clearly posted."  The officer looked Peeta over.  He was suspicious of this scruffy, long haired blond man, wearing a dirty dessert camo. " Are you a student here? I am going to have to see some ID.

Peeta gripped his cane tightly.  He thought to himself, " This motherfucker is pushing his luck."  Peeta had an image of his cane smashing into this cops face, just the way he had used it on that asshole, at the bar, who had called him a fucking gimp.

It took all his self control, but Peeta said to the cop, " I am a new day student here. Now, I am going to slowly reach in my pocket and show you my student ID."  Peeta tried not to let his disgust with this campus cop show through.

The officer examined Peeta's ID, when he was satisfied and returned it to Peeta. " Well next time pay attention to the posted signs."  Peeta could not hide his disdain. " Roger that sir."  As the cop walked away, Peeta said under his breath, " dick head."

Peeta shook his head and ruefully smiled.  He said out loud, " Smooth move Mellark. Almost getting arrested and thrown out of school on the first day.  A personal best."

" Ok soldier, time to move your ass.  Sooner or latter you will have to get off this bench.  Finn, you must be laughing your ass off."

Peeta examined the campus map and made a mental calculation of how long it would take his to get to the Life Sciences building.         " This isn't going to be fun." He hoisted his backpack over his shoulders and started to walk across the campus.

His leg was hurting today.  The prosthesis didn't feel right.  He was relying on his cane, which made walking, slow going.  Peeta moved with a deliberate, ponderous gait.  He felt like he was walking through black tar. Sweat broke out on his forehead. His backpack felt like it was full of bricks.

_Captain Trinket was relentless today. She kept pushing Peeta.  She was a combination of a mother, drill sergeant and cheer leader. Peeta knew he was luckier than most of the guys on the rehab unit.  A below knee amputation, meant that he would have more mobility, than if he had suffered an above knee amputation. Many of his brothers, would require a personal aid, for the rest of their lives.  Peeta could look forward to someday being able to ambulate independently, without a cane._

_Captain Trinket never lost faith in Peeta.  What would she think of him now?_

Peeta was having doubts that he could actually make it to class today.  How was he ever going to get to walk to class and back to his car?

He could not ignore the pain radiating from his left leg.

" Fucking prosthetic! Useless piece of shit!," Peeta was nearly yelling at the top of his lungs. To anyone watching, it would appear that Peeta Mellark was a deranged, possibly homeless man.  His fellow students should have had the good sense of giving this crazy man a wide berth.

Peeta continued his rant. " Who am I kidding?  Go to college? I cant even make it across campus.  What the fuck was I thinking?."  Peeta felt dizzy.  The world was spinning. He could not catch his breath.  Images of Finn bleeding out flashed before his eyes. Peeta struggled to use the relaxation techniques he had learned at Walter Reed, to blunt a panic attack.  Gradually, his breathing slowed and his anxiety slowly receded. With trembling hands he lit another cigarette. " Fuck the police." He muttered to himself.

With great effort Peeta made it to all his classes.  He choose to sit in the back of each of his classes.  Listening to his professors review the class syllabus and hearing their individual expectations, felt oddly comforting. He didn't care about the odd looks he got from the other students.  For the first time in almost a year, he was engaged in an enterprise, that took him outside his pervasive depression and anxiety.

In spite of the pain radiating from his left leg, he felt he had accomplished something of worth. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A conversation with Pop


	12. The Big Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peeta has a conversation with his Pop.

Peeta's shithole apartment was located in Astoria, Queens, smack in the middle of the flight path of LaGuardia Airport. For some unkown reason the landlord was having problems renting this, " Palace" of an apartment, until Peeta came along. After a week of living there, Peeta hardly noticed the jets landing or departing.

The days events had exhausted Peeta.  He sat on his ratty couch and tried to remember, what it was like to feel fit and alert.  He tried to remember, what it felt like not to be weighed down by depression and anxiety.

He got up and limped to the refrigerator.  Of course there wasn't anything in the fridge, other then a six pack of crappy beer. There wasn't any food in any of the cabinets. Well if there wasn't any food there this morning, why would anything be there now? 

" Fuck it. I'll get a burger at Rippers." Peeta opened a beer and sat back down on his lumpy couch.

Peeta really had done a masterful job of avoiding his family.  He made repeated promises to call, text or visit his family. But, you know how things are. Places to go. People to see. He usually had a full day planned of drinking himself into a stupor and contemplating suicide.

So you see, Peeta really had so much to do. That was until Pop had called him and said simply on his voicemail, " I am on my way to your apartment. I will not accept any excuses for you not being there. We need to talk."

Pop was a big, gentle man. However, when he needed to be, he could be a force to be reckoned with.  Pop definitely was not a man to be trifled with. Peeta knew Pop was coming to his apartment, come hell or high water.

Peeta looked around his apartment and he was ashamed of the conditions he was living in.  He did not want Pop to see how far, he had fallen.

There was a knock on the door. " Christ! He is here already."  Peeta felt like a little boy, who had disappointed his parent and was going to be disciplined.

" Pop, come in please."  He wanted to offer him something, anything, that would show that he had not become a total douchebag.

Pop sat across from Peeta and instead of disappointment, he found love and concern on Pop's face.

" Peeta I have something to say. I have been quiet over the past year, because I thought you needed the space to figure out how to right yourself. I let Mom and Delly try to talk, cajole and beg you to get help, to no avail.  Clearly my silence was wrong and it hurt you."

" Pop you didn't do anything wrong.  I'm the one, who screwed up."

" Peeta let me finish. I love you. You are my boy and I am scared shitless for you.  When I left Viet Nam and reentered the world, I had no idea what was happening to me. One minute, I am humping through a rice paddy and the next I was landing at LAX. Thanks for your service and don't let the door hit you on the ass, on your way out."

Peeta listened as Pop continued. " I had these dreams. These god awful dreams. I would see my buddies get killed over and over again. Then the flashbacks happened and I felt like I was dreaming, only I was awake. I could not concentrate. I couldn't hold a job. I felt like I was dying all the time and when I didn't feel like I was dying, I thought about ways to off myself."

Peeta felt like Pop was talking about his life.

" Mom does not know this, but twice I put the muzzle of my .45 in my mouth. I tried to pull the trigger, but for some reason I couldn't. I had met Mom and I had fallen for her big time.  I couldn't hurt her. However, I was drinking every day. I was depressed every day, all day."

" I was a Marine. I was not a burnout like the other vets, I saw at the VA. I thought I could handle it own my own. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Several of my buddies offed themselves. They never really came home. The only reason that I am alive today is because of Mom. She loved me through the worst of times and I put that woman through hell. When I finally could see straight and got my head out of my ass, I vowed to make it up to Mom. I think I have, I hope I have made it up to her. So when she sees what you are doing to yourself, it rips her apart and she is right back living through that hell again."

" So this is what is going to happen. You are going to come home today."

" But, Pop!"

" Let me finish Peeta. I know you want your independence and Mom and I want that for you, as well.  You will move into the basement apartment. You know it has its own entrance, bathroom and kitchenette.  This shithole is not where my son will live. We will handle the rent and I will deal with your landlord."

" I am happy you made it to class today. You are going to college and you are staying in college.  I have talked with your father and your brothers. You may help out at the bakery, but you not working there full time. You are smart, you have a gift and you will not use the bakery as your own personal default option."

Peeta listened to Pop. He knew when Pop meant business. He was not going to talk back to this man. He also knew Pop was right.

" Finally, you are getting your ass into therapy.  I don't want you to be put off by the VA waiting list."  Pop placed an appointment card in front of Peeta.  Peeta picked up the card. It said, Dr. Marcus Aurelius, Clinical Psychologist.

" He works with veterans. I researched this man. He does both individual and group therapy. He is a veteran himself. I expect you to make an appointment with the good Doctor at your earliest convenience. Like tomorrow."

" We are leaving here together. Do you understand me?"  Peeta was on the verge of tears.

" Yes sir."

Pop was holding back tears. " Peeta you did not deserve what happened to you. No one, who hasn't been there can comprehend, what you lost. You are a good man and a good soldier. You know we love you."  Pop walked over to Peeta and embraced his son.  Both men were in tears. They did not want to let go of each other.

His Pop had saved him again.

An hour later, Peeta departed his apartment with his Pop. He never looked back.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Girl with the Braid is next.


	13. Just a Glimpse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little glimpse into their future.

Peeta and Katniss sat in uncomfortable plastic chairs, outside of the faculty meeting room. Katniss squeezed her husband's hand, like a vice.  Peeta wondered if he was ever going to get his circulation back. 

Katniss had spent the last two hours defending her doctoral dissertation. Peeta kept saying to Katniss, " You got this babe. I know you rocked it."  Her advisor had said her dissertation defense was going to be a mere formality. Then unexpectedly, Dr. Marcus started to attack her statistical analysis and the validity of her results. 

Katniss was forced to vigorously defend her thesis, while coping with her unborn child's desire to play soccer in her uterus. Her pregnancy with Willow, had been a walk in the park. This little boy was giving his mother, a run for her money.  At the end of her defense, her stomach was in an uproar and she was significantly dehydrated.

As she waited with Peeta, for the committee's decision, she was sure that all her work was for naught.

What was she thinking, when she decided not to take a leave from the hospital and the doctoral program? Perusing her doctorate, while adjusting to Washington, D.C., starting a new job and settling into a new house, had all been daunting.

Doing it while pregnant at the same time Peeta was immersed in the first year of his pediatric fellowship, had been insane.

Katniss was grateful that, Willow had adjusted well to Kindergarten.  She may have looked like a blue eyed, mini Katniss, but Willow shared the same optimistic, flexible and open nature of her father and her Aunt Primm.  After all these years, Katniss felt her heart twist, when she thought of her sister. 

Thank God for Delly and the Cartwright's. Katniss had grown to love them. They were now her family. Their help was invaluable.

 Mom and Pop choose not to stay on Long Island, but to relocate to Washington, D.C. Mr. Cartwright said, " Why would we stay in Oyster Bay, when both of our kids live in D.C.? Mom and I are going to be a part of our Grandkids lives and not strangers, who make an appearance only at Thanksgiving and Christmas." 

Peeta's father and his bothers along with their wives and kids had come for a visit. They had a blast with Francis and Rye. However, Katniss felt the subtle awkwardness, that still existed between Peeta and his father. It seemed that time hadn't healed all wounds.

It was clear, that Mr.Cartwright was always the father of Peeta's heart.

Her life with Peeta was unexpected.  She never imagined herself as married.  She never saw herself as a mother.  Somehow the unexpected became her life.  She often wished she had Peeta's gift with words to adequately express her love for him.  He was her partner and her soul mate. After Primm and her deployment to Afghanistan, she never expected to ever be happy. Yet the life she had made with Peeta was filled with unexpected happiness.

After her deployment, she did not put much stock in making friends.  Why open yourself up to people, only to eventually loose them? But, now her life was filled with people, who loved her. Delly, Annie and Cressida had filled her phone with messages of encouragement.  Johanna was going to call out, to be with Katniss today. Katniss had persuaded her not to. She only wanted Peeta by her side.

Willow didn't fully understand why mommy and daddy were going to New York City.  Mommy had to something very important. Mommy was going to finish college today. Willow understood that her mommy had worked very, very hard and sometimes, she was so very tired. Even though mommy was tired and her belly was getting bigger with her baby brother, mommy always loved and took care of Willow.

Willow was getting to be a big girl, who was going to finish kindergarten and move on to first grade. So, she knew mommy must be as exited, as she was to move on to first grade.

She knew her mommy was the smartest lady in the whole world. Mommy was going to do just fine. Willow wrapped her little arms around her mother's neck. " Mommy don't worry. When you come home today, you are going to be a Doctor just like Daddy!"  Willow gave her mommy a crayon drawing of mommy in a cap and gown. Katniss thought it was the most beautiful piece of art in the whole world. The drawing was now in her brief case, along with a copy of her dissertation.

" Peeta, what if I don't get it?"  Peeta looked at her and said, " Katniss in a few minutes, I will be addressing you as, Dr. Everdeen. Besides, if you don't get it today, you will make the required revisions and we will be right back here, kicking ass."

The door opened and her advisor said, " Katniss were ready." Peeta said, " I love you. I'll be right here." Katniss was trembling. She looked at the committee and waited for their decision. Dr. Marcus looked up at Katniss. The bastard waited for dramatic effect and then he said, " It is my great pleasure, to say congratulations, Dr. Everdeen! This is an exceptional piece work." A wave of relief surged over her. She had to tell Peeta. She had to tell everyone.

But first, she had to pee.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we get to the story of Katniss.


	14. Ba Ba O'rielly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Dream!

Finn pointed to the cooler, " Doc, I got us a Salami and Provolone and a Roast Beef and Swiss.  The cooler is filled with Coors and Budweiser."  Peeta relaxed into the deck chair. Peeta said, "This is some fucking boat Finn."

" Well, your the guest of honor Doc."

The Who, was playing on the sound system.  Peeta asked, " Dude, is that a fucking 8 Track?." 

" Yeah Doc, quality never grows old or goes out of style."

Finn went on, " Doc, I think this is the best track on the album."

" Finn, you always mix up the title. The song is called, " Ba Ba O'rielly," not, " Teenage Wasteland."

" Doc, I beg to differ with you. I think its both."

Both men laughed. Peeta hadn't felt this good, in a long, long time. Actually, Peeta couldn't remember, when he had felt this good. 

The water of the gulf reflected the deep blue of the sky. It was dead calm. What a beautiful day!

Where was Annie? Peeta felt sad, that she wasn't on board. She was missing out on a gorgeous day. Perhaps she couldn't get the day off. Maybe the school couldn't find a substitute for her. He really missed talking to Annie.

When was the last time he spoke to Annie?

" Doc, you need to put on some sunscreen. You need an SPF of a 100."  Peeta, you are so white, that you glow in the dark.

Something did not fell right. Peeta put down his beer. " Finn, where is Annie?"

" Doc, this outing is just for us. We needed to have a talk."

Peeta's left leg started to throb. Peeta thought, " Shit! What's this all about?  Why is my leg hurting?"

Finn turned to Peeta. " Doc, you have to listen to me. You are my best friend. You always will be. But, you are making me real sad Peeta, real sad. You have to stop it."

Peeta was puzzled, " Stop what Finn?"

" You know what I am talking about. You have to stop blaming yourself. I know you did everything you could."

This wasn't fun anymore. Peeta's leg felt like it was on fire. Anxiety was rising in his chest.

Peeta was back in Afghanistan.

He was crouched over Finn. Finn was down. There was a bullet in his chest.

Peeta's hands were smeared with his friends blood.

He was performing CPR on Finn.

Finn was dead.

Cressida was crying.

Peeta was now in severe pain. His leg was killing him.

He was now back on the boat. " Peeta, we don't have much time to talk. Doc, I had my time, but you are dying inside. You have to get help. You have to forgive yourself. I want you to smile again. I want you to remember me with a smile."

" Doc, I know why you are avoiding Annie. You're feeling guilty. You think she blames you. You are very wrong. She is worried about you. She loves you. She always will. Doc, Annie needs you in her life. Little Finn needs his Uncle Peeta."

" Promise me you will help yourself and help my family."

Peeta knew he was in a dream. It didn't feel real anymore. He knew his time with Finn was almost gone. He didn't want to see his friend go.

" I promise Finn. I promise."

What was that beeping?  Where was it coming from?

" Doc, its time. I have to go."

" Don't hide Doc. Live your life Peeta."

Peeta opened his eyes.  His alarm clock was beeping.

" What a fucking dream."

Peeta didn't dare move. He did not want to loose Finn again.

He was trying to hold on to what Finn had told him, but it was now just out of his reach, it eluded him.

Peeta knew he couldn't linger in bed any longer.

" Come on Mellark, you got to get going."  He didn't want to be late for his Child Development class and jeopardize his A .

Peeta smiled, as he remembered Captain Trinkett saying, " It was going to be a big, big day."  This evening he was starting the first session of the PTSD group and it scared the shit out of him.

He knew, it was time to face his fears.

Finn would approve.

  _Katniss back story is up next! I swear!_

 


	15. The Girl with the Braid, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Story of Katniss Everdeen

The Diner

John Everdeen and his daughter Katniss, were having Apple Pie and coffee for desert in the, " World Famous" Roscoe Diner after a full day of Bow hunting.

The Roscoe Diner is located on Rt. 17 in Sullivan  County, New York, within easy reach of New York City. This rural recreation area was known for access to abundant fishing, camping and hunting resources.  There were damn few places to hunt on Long Island, much less their home town of Port Washington.

Gale and Frank Hawthorne had arrived early on Friday morning. Thus, the four of them were able to hunt together for two solid days. However, Gale and Frank had to leave today. Gale was starting on the offensive line in the championship football game tomorrow. As much as Gale enjoyed hunting with his father and the Everdeen's, he was just not going to miss the game.

So it was just John and Katniss.  John enjoyed his time alone with Katniss. His 14 year old daughter was still at an age, when it was permissible for a teenager to talk with her father.  A year from now, he might be dealing with a 15 year old, who had transformed into a raging monster or a sullen, deaf mute.

Katniss looked forward to these times with her father.  She listened to what he had to say.  She loved spending time in the forest as much as he did. She would pay particular attention to him, as he pointed out the different plants and animals that were part of this habitat. For a man, who spent his days helping to construct skyscrapers in Manhattan, John Everdeen was a walking compendium of the natural world.

John had taught Katniss hunting safety and how to successfully bring down a deer with one arrow. Katniss was open to everything he taught her. She felt truly alive, when she was hunting with her father and Gale.

John laughed to himself, when he thought about taking Prim hunting. The exuberant 12 year was the consummate urban girl. She would gladly pass up hunting in the woods for a weekend with her friends.

Prim liked the idea of nature, but she really did not want to partake of the opportunity to spend a weekend in the woods.  She preferred the wilds of the, " Miracle Mile," in Manhasset, L.I. She wanted to stalk the aisles of Lord and Taylor and B. Altman. She would gladly leave bow hunting to her father and sister.

Before Katniss and Prim, Helen and John would escape Long Island for a weekend of camping and canoeing down the Delaware River. Now it was hard for Helen to get away.  As a Charge Nurse on a medical/surgical floor, she frequently had to work weekends and she would not pass up any overtime shifts if offered. So, these hunting excursions became the ritual of John and Katniss.

John accepted that Katniss and Gale were fast friends.  They were both quiet, intelligent introspective teenagers.  They were often mistaken as siblings, as they shared the same mannerisms, olive complexion and eye coloring. John knew that Gale wanted Katniss to be more than his friend.  He looked at Katniss with the same look, that a young John Everdeen once gave to the girl, who was now the woman he loved. Katniss either did not understand the shift in Gale's feeling toward her or simply choose not to see them.  John felt sorry for Gale.  He remembered the sweet torture of unrequited teenage love.  It would be interesting to see what would develop between these two.

Katniss often felt like an oddity both in school and with her peers at home. It was one of the reasons, that she liked being with her father. He understood her and had total acceptance of her.

Katniss didn't seek to be popular. She cherished the few friends she had. 

She envied teenagers, who made friends easily and who were confident and well liked.  She did not know how it came so easily for them.

On the drive back to their motel, her thoughts brought her back to the memory of the wrestling tournament hosted by her high school last weekend.

There was a blond boy from the Oyster Bay wrestling team.  He had a quiet confidence she lacked. He had clear sky blue eyes and a kind wide smile, that caught her attention. She didn't notice most boys, but she most certainly noticed this boy.

During his matches, he had an intensity and focus, that she found mesmerizing.  He wrestled against several larger opponents, but he never backed down. He never gave ground. Somehow he won all his matches.

Gale had observed Katniss intensely watching the blond boy.  For some reason Katniss could not understand, Gale's mood changed from happy and expansive to petulant and irritable. He muttered aloud, " Wrestling is for pussies. Blondie is not all that." Katniss wondered, what the hell was wrong with Gale.  

Between matches Katniss watched the blond boy happily engaging in conversation with his teammates. He seemed to truly enjoy his friends and he didn't seem the least bit awkward. From the audience a beautiful blond girl approached him and pulled him in for a deep hug. They looked like golden twins.

They were talking and laughing together.  She was obviously his girlfriend. You had to be blind not to know, that they belonged together. 

Watching the two laughing, touching each other and deeply connecting, evoked a feeling in Katniss, that she never had experienced.  Only when she was older would she recognize the felling, as that of deep longing.

Gale gruffly said, " Come on Catnip, let's go." Katniss thought that Gale was being an ass, but decided to just placate him and she agreed to leave the tournament. Without thinking Katniss stuffed a program in her pocket as she left the gym

_Katniss wondered why they had to cart boxes and boxes of useless stuff from Port Washington to D.C. Why couldn't thay have gone through this stuff before the move? She blamed Peeta. He was such a sentimental man. He hard a hard time letting his past go._

_She was going through a box of old papers and came across a winkled athletic program for a high school wrestling tournament. Why did she hold on to this? She was about to through it out, when she saw a name printed on the back of the program. It said Peeta Mellark, Freshman, Oyster Bay High School._

_Katniss was instantly transported to the gym of her old high school. Katniss was in the bleachers with Gale, watching her future husband on the wrestling mat._

_It dawned on her that their meeting in the ER, was not the first time she had encountered Peeta. How could she ever forget?_

;  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Katniss to Come


	16. The Girl with the Braid, Part 2

Music

John Everdeen loved music. He loved choral music. He loved Jazz. He spent many enjoyable evenings listening to the Holy Trinity of Bach, Brahms and Beethoven. He listened to Charlie Daniels, Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, Cole Porter and the Who.  Most of all John Everdeen worshipped at the altar of his holiness, Frank Sinatra.

The Everdeen house was filled with LPs, CDs 8 Tracks, Cassettes and boxes and boxes of sheet music.  The living room contained an upright piano, acoustic and electric guitars, an amplifier, a banjo and an old ukulele. Both Prim and Katniss took weekly piano and voice lessons. In addition, both girls were active members of the school chorus.

John and Helen participated and sang in their church choral. The congregation at St. Matthew's commented on how beautiful Helen's Alto and John's deep Baritone singing voices enhanced the morning services.

John and Helen were active in their daughter's school musical productions. John would assist in the construction of the sets and Helen would happily help with the costumes.  Prim would eagerly audition for the female lead, while Katniss, though having the superior voice, was more then happy to be cast as an extra or placed in the chorus.

Music for John was a salve protecting him against the relentless pressures of his job as a construction manager for the Snow Corporation. The work environment of company that he once loved, had grown intolerable. He and his fellow supervisor Frank Hawthorne, now were contending with irrational completion deadlines, deteriorating safety standards and coping on a daily basis with shoddy building materials.

Their safety concerns fell on deaf ears with the new owners. The Snow Corporation had posted an impressive, some said obscene, corporate profit. The owners were not concerned with the mounting OSHA violations and seemingly continuous fines from the Fire Marshal's office.  There were attorneys on retainer, who would take care of any problems. As long as the money machine was stoked on a daily basis, everything was fine.

John desperately wanted to leave his position, but he had a pension, mortgage and two pending college tuitions to think about.  Helen's paycheck alone would not cover the bills. Sadly, like many families, they needed two paychecks to make ends meet.

So, John made it a point to have a life outside of work, that was meaningful.  He filled it with love, friends, family and all of it was accompanied by wonderful music.  At the end of a long, bitter day, he and Helen would sit on the front porch listening to Frank or Tony, while they each sipped on a glass of chilled Chardonnay.  It was in those moments, that Frank Everdeen felt like the luckiest man on the planet.

Katniss was excelling in her Junior Year of high school. She had moved well beyond her awkward early adolescent phase. Though she never sought popularity, she had developed an intimate network of friends. With her parents encouragement, she was an active participant in her schools extracurricular activities, which included being Captain of the school's archery team.

Katniss had developed into a beautiful, poised young woman. She caught the eyes of many of the boys in her school, much to the obvious displeasure of Gale.  She certainly loved Gale, and it was nice to be desired by such a handsome boy.  However, Katniss found Gale's bouts of jealousy and possessiveness troubling and tiresome.

Sometimes Katniss felt that the Hawthorn's were to enmeshed in the life of her family. Dad worked and hunted with Mr. Hawthorn. Mom was best friends with Hazel and now Prim and Rory, Gale's little brother, were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It just seemed too much at times for Katniss.

Katniss was always protective of Prim. She risked an argument with her little sister, by trying to have the, "Talk" with Prim.  Prim would have none of it.

" Katniss, you are not mom. You have to back off and just be my sister. O.K?"

" I love you little duck and I do like Rory. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."

" Stop calling me that. I am not a baby. You watch out for yourself. I have seen you play tonsil hockey with Gale. I can take care of myself."

Katniss knew Prim was right and she reluctantly agreed to be Prim's sister and not her second mother.

Increasingly, Katniss just needed some breathing room from Gale.  She knew he loved her. Sure, she loved him, but she just didn't feel the degree of intensity toward Gale, that he felt toward her. She was a healthy normal teenage girl and she liked Gale's passionate kisses, which she returned with equal ardor.  But, he kept pushing for more and she just wasn't ready for more.

 Katniss felt like she was always disappointing Gale. The fun she used to have with Gale was replaced by feelings of guilt and she felt the beginnings of resentment grow in her. Katniss thought, " Is this the way a person in love is supposed to feel?"

Katniss would watch her mother's face glow, when her father entered the room.  She watched the countless gentle touches exchanged between her parents. She heard their little inside jokes and she watched her parents sit on the porch, listening to their music, sometimes talking, sometimes not. Even when they were not together, they were always together.

Katniss knew that what she and Gale had, was a mere shadow of the love her parents had for each other.

_Katniss ran her fingers over the old photographs. She didn't consider herself to be an overly sentimental woman. Maybe Peeta was rubbing off on her. Seeing pictures of Prim and her father, would cause her to simultaneously both smile and her heart to ache._

_Willow would climb up and snuggle deep into her mother's lap. Katniss loved to hug her little girl and breath in the smell of her daughters hair. How was it possible, that she smelled of cinnamon and vanilla, just like her father? Katniss would tell Willow stories of her family. She spoke about growing up in a magical, musical house on Long Island and of the trips to the forest, she took with her daddy._

_Willow would always want one more story about her Aunt Prim or her brave Grand Pa  John, who had a voice like velvet._

_" I wish daddy had met Grand Pa. Grand Pa would have loved daddy."  Katniss sat quietly. She wiped away the wetness from her eyes.  "Yes baby. I think Daddy and Grand Pa would have loved each, just like Grand Father Mellark and Grand Pop loves us. My daddy would have loved your daddy very much"_

_In the photo album, Willow and Katniss came across a picture of Gale and Katniss sitting on a beach blanket at Jones Beach. Gale had his arm around her. They both looked happy and in love. Katniss thought, " To the outside world, we looked like the perfect couple."_

_Willow looked at the picture with the same intensity, that reminded her of Peeta._

_" What's the matter pumpkin?_

_Willow pointed at the picture. " Mommy, you don't have your Love Face on."_

_Katniss was puzzled, " Willow, I don't know what a Love Face is."_

_" Mommy in that picture, you don't have your Love Face on. When you and daddy are together, there is a face that you only give to daddy and daddy gives back to you. That day at the beach, you didn't give it to Mr. Gale."_

_Willow flipped the pages till she came across her favorite picture. It was a picture of her mommy kissing daddy, on the day of her birth._

_Katniss remembered that day.  She was terrified and frightened of being a mother.  After all the pain and loss in her life, the idea of having a child filled her with dread. But, Peeta's unwavering love helped her combat the terror. He was sure Katniss would be a wonderful mother. On the day of the delivery, he spoke words of love and encouragement. He rubbed her back. He massaged her feet, when they started to cramp._

_As he held his newborn, Peeta looked at Katniss with tears in his eyes and said, " I am so in love with you." Katniss was crying. She was filled with love for her husband. She kissed Peeta and said, " I love you so much Peeta Mellark. I always will."_

_Willow was happy. " See mommy, that is the Love Face you and daddy have for each other."_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Katniss!


	17. Memorial Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This a glimpse at a special day in the life of Katniss and Peeta.

Katniss sat in her breakfast nook. She was up early and reveled in the quiet. Katniss sipped on her coffee and treated herself to a nibble of a cheese bun. How many women had a ready supply of fresh baked goods on hand? She smiled, when she thought it was one more benefit of being married to the son of a baker.

She was feeling nostalgic. Katniss was going to miss this apartment. It was her home. It was a home she and Peeta had made. They had a marriage full of love and laughter and now they had a beautiful, dark haired, blue eyed little baby girl. 

So much had changed for Katniss since Peeta came into her life.  She now had a big unwieldy family. Peeta, his brothers, their brood and his father, along with his new wife, were woven into the fabric of her life. 

However, it was the loving presence of Mom, Pop and Delly, that had pleasantly surprised Katniss. They claimed Katniss as their own, just as they had claimed a chubby little blond haired boy, as their own, decades earlier. Katniss was now their daughter and Willow was their granddaughter, plain and simple.

Katniss remembered how uncomfortable she felt, at first being part of the Mellark/Cartwright clan. It was so different, from what she was used to. After losing Daddy and Prim, Katniss withdrew from all social contacts and friendships.

The relationship between Katniss and her mother had grown distant and cold. As a young woman, she could not recognize, that her mother, just like herself was suffering with a growing clinical depression. Katniss was so hurt, angry and disappointed with her mother and her inability to comfort her, but Katniss said nothing.

Katniss distanced from her mother. She would stay away from her home as much as possible.  The house, which was once filled with music and laughter, felt like a dusty dry tomb, that would choke off any life remaining in Katniss. Entering the Army after receiving her BSN, just seemed like the next logical step.  She wanted to put as much distance between herself and Port Washington as humanly possible.  Kabul, Afghanistan seemed as just as good a place as any.

After the accident, Katniss and Gale went through the motions of being together.  However, when they were together, they would follow a predicable pattern of Katniss withdrawing, followed by loud viscous arguments, as Gale tried to connect with her. Any physical intimacy was simply out of the question. Finally Gale had enough.

" You will never forgive me Katniss, never! You say you have, but you haven't.  If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have driven that night."

Katniss remained stone faced. She could recite chapter and verse, what Gale was going to say. He would say that his blood alcohol level showed that he was not drunk. It was the slick rainy conditions, that led to the accident. The other driver came out of nowhere.

blah... blah... blah...

She just didn't fucking care. All that mattered was, that her beautiful, loving and smart sister was gone.

" Katniss, you judge me. You hold me responsible. We can't go on this way. Maybe it is better if we stop seeing each other."

Katniss really just didn't care. She answered simply, " Maybe we should." 

Gale was stunned, " So, this is it? This is how we end?"

Katniss said, " You were my best friend, but now all we are, are reminders of what we both have lost. I have nothing to give you. I am sorry Gale, but when I am with you, all I have is the taste of dust and ashe in my mouth."

So on the front porch of her parent's house, Katniss and Gale were no more.  

Katniss now was happy, that Gale had found love with Madge.  She smiled to herself as to what a small world it was. Peeta and Delly had actually grown up playing with Madge.

Life was fucking amazing.

Katniss peeked in on Willow.  She was still peacefully sleeping. Willow was almost a toddler. Katniss wanted to freeze time and keep Willow her sweet little baby. Katniss loved to hold her daughter and breath in her smell. It always amazed her that her little girl had the same calming and warm scent of her father, which could only be described as cinnamon and vanilla. Katniss sighed, a sigh of resignation. Willow would not stay baby. Katniss had long ago learned to accept and embrace things as they were, not as she wished them to be.

Katniss brought herself out of her reverie. " Peeta never sleeps past 6 AM."

Peeta was bone tired. He was now Chief Resident and he gladly accepted the responsibilities, that went along with that position. But, Katniss was worried, that he was not taking care of himself.  She saw the bags under his eyes and heard the fatigue in his voice. Sometimes, he was so exhausted, that he would fall asleep during dinner. 

As tired as he was, he always made time for Katniss and Willow. 

He had encouraged Katniss to pursue her doctorate.  He would review her notes, help her with her statistical analysis and her literature review.

He was her constant sounding board and he was there to help her, when she felt like her depression was again taking hold.

" Katniss use the skills that Dr. Aurelius taught us. You remember your relaxation exercises. You know it helps."

Peeta was her protector and she was his.

Sometimes Katniss felt so low and despairing, that she could only find solace and comfort in his strong arms. Katniss could always count on Peeta to be there for her.

" I love you Katniss. We'll get through this together."

Peeta and Katniss always strived to stay connected to each other. During her work day, Katniss knew she would receive a call or a text from Peeta. It was often a simple, " I love you," or "Always." His messages always warmed her heart.

The gentle way Peeta was with Willow made her heart clench. He reminded her so much of her father. Peeta and her father were so much alike. They were both big men, who always gave more then they took. They looked for the beauty, that this world offered. Her father immersed himself in music and Peeta surrounded himself with art.  Both men loved their families deeply and demonstrated their love daily with gentleness and compassion.

Katniss heard Peeta moaning in his sleep. She knew from experience, that he would soon be screaming.  She couldn't leave him trapped in his nightmare.  Peeta had told Katniss, that it was the same dream, over and over.

He and Annie are standing at the open grave of Finnick. Annie points to Peeta and says, " I hate you Peeta Mellark, you let my husband die. My son will grow up without a father and you and you alone are responsible."

When they first met, Peeta would have this dream at least four to five nights a week. Katniss was happy that, since being together the frequency of this dream had diminished significantly.

The dream was a lie.  Annie and little Finn loved Peeta unconditionally. 

Katniss was in awe of Annie. This woman had an ethereal quality to her. It was as if Annie O'dair straddled, this world and a more gentle, unseen world. But, Annie also had a core of steel.  She beat back an army of creditors and managed to keep her house on a teacher's salary and took care of her son, the way a mother bear looked after her cub.

Peeta was there for Little Finn and Annie as much as possible. He and Katniss flew down to Florida frequently and Annie and Little Finn often came to visit Peeta and Katniss. Naturally, Mom, Pop and Delly fell in love with Little Finn and Annie.

They had many backyard barbeques at Mom and Pop's house. Peeta taught Little Finn to swim, jump off the diving board and eventually Little Finn learned to dive and create monumental cannon ball splashes off the board in Mom and Pop's pool.

Mom, Pop, Katniss and Annie would scold the boys for being too loud and boisterous. " Peeta! You are the grownup! Why don't you act like one and set an example for your nephew? " Katniss shook her head and said to Annie," It's hopeless. Peeta gets older, but he just doesn't grow up." Annie reached out for Katniss's hand and held it in her warm loving hands. Her eyes grew wet, as she smiled sadly at Katniss and said, " I hope he never, ever does."

Little Finn loved his Uncle Peeta. He wanted to be just like his Uncle. Uncle Peeta was fun and really smart and Aunt Katniss was so pretty and she made him feel like he was the most special nephew in the world.

Little Finn would often ask Peeta about his father and Peeta would patiently, tell the same stories to his godson again and again, as if he was telling it for the first time.

Katniss decided that she had to wake Peeta. If he woke from a nightmare on his own. He would have such a lost, confused expression on his face and he would have a great deal of difficulty functioning for the rest of the day.

Katniss poured a fresh cup of coffee for Peeta and entered into the bedroom.  The tension on Peeta's face and the rigidity of the muscles in his arms and neck, showed her that he was in the grip of his own personal hell.

Peeta was on that rocky slope. His body was shielding the wounded Ranger. The Taliban's heavy machine gun's bullets were hitting close to Peeta. Peeta felt the sting of the rock fragments strike him on his face as the bullets hit nearby.  Finnick was just out of Peeta's reach. Peeta could see Finnick dying in front of him. " Doc, help me! Why won't you help me? " Cressida was screaming at Peeta to help Finnick. " Why won't you help him? Can't you see he is dying?"

Katniss gently caressed her husbands face. " Peeta wake up. I love you. It is not real. Please wake up." She leaned in and kissed her husband full on the lips.  Peeta's eyes opened.  He looked at Katniss first in confusion and then with wonder and gratitude. He said, " Katniss your here. " She looked at her husband and gave him the answer, that always seemed to sooth him, " Always."

Peeta pulled her in for a hug and said. " I love you."

Was it possible to become addicted to a person? In these sweet moments, she knew she could never live without her husband and she would love him till the day she died.

Peeta thanked Katniss for the coffee. He roused himself, put his prosthesis on and said. " O.K, Let's make breakfast.  How would you like some pancakes?"  A Peeta Mellark pancake was thing to behold.  He made it from scratch and the batter was infused with fresh Blueberries. Katniss smiled to herself,he brought the same artistry and fidelity to a pancake breakfast as he did to an oil painting or a scholarly paper.

Willow was waking up. Katniss said. " I'll get Willow. She loves to eat and wear your pancakes." Their Memorial Day was just getting started.

Delly and Thom were in for the weekend and they were staying with Mom and Pop.

" I told Delly and your parents that we would meet them in front of the congregational church, which is at the start of the parade route.  We should bring some folding chairs."  Peeta laughed, " Good idea, but the parade only lasts for 15 minutes. I think we could manage standing."  Katniss said, " Ok, wise ass. The folding chairs are for Delly. Pregnant women on hot summer days are not known for walking long distances. She needs a place to sit."

Katniss, Peeta and Willow found a place curbside by the church. Katniss dressed Willow in a Red, White and Blue jumper. Her stroller had an American Flag, draped in front of it courtesy of Peeta.

Mom, Pop, Thom and Delly quickly found them. Katniss's heart went out to Delly, as she watched this very pregnant woman, who she now thought of as her sister, negotiate the crowds. It brought back memories of her own difficult pregnancy with Willow.

Thom set up a folding chair for his wife. Delly, who was sweating and out of breath, gladly sat in it. Delly leaned over to Katniss and said in a conspiratorial whisper," If he thinks that he is ever getting any from me, ever again, he is out of his fucking mind!"  Katniss placed her hand on Delly's arm and said, " You won't feel like that forever.  One day in the not to distant future, you and Thom will be going at it like bunnies!"

" Uhh, Katniss! It is still morning. Stop it." Both women laughed.

Peeta was holding a squirming, laughing Willow in his arms, when one of the parade organizers approached Peeta.

Peeta was wearing his desert camo and as always, his Combat Medical Badge was afflixed to his jacket.

" Excuse me Staff Sargent, would you like to march with your brothes and sisters?"

Peeta responded, " Thanks Master Chief, but that invitation, should also be extended to my wife and father"

The Master Chief looked at Pop and Katniss said,  "The invite is for all of our brothers and sisters."

Katniss said, " Thank you Master Chief, but I think I will sit this one out."

Peeta looked at his Pop and asked. " Pop, will you join me? "

Pop said, " I would be proud to."

Peeta said to Katniss, " I will see you at the Town Green. I love you. Is it ok, that I do this?"

" Peeta, I want you to do it. You need to do it. I love you so much"

Peeta and Pop joined the other veterans.

It was a wonderful parade.

The members of the volunteer fire department marched and proudly displayed their new, freshly polished equipment.

The boy scouts and girl scouts marched in somewhat straight lines .

The high school band played and this year they were actually in tune.

There even was a flyover by three Black hawk helicopters flying in formation.

When the veterans passed by, they received a standing ovation.

Katniss held Willow in her arms and pointed to Peeta and Pop." Look Willow, there is Daddy and Grand Pop."  Willow saw her father and her grandfather. She kicked her chubby legs and laughed happily. Peeta and Pop waved and called back. " Hi Mommy! Hi Willow!" Peeta and Katniss knew that Willow had wrapped her Grand Pop around her little finger. Just as she had done to her father.

The parade went on. Old men and women marched with their younger brethren. It didn't matter if they were in their 20s or early 90s. They were brothers and sisters. They had shared experiences, that mere words could never explain to an outsider. 

The parade made it way to the town green. Somewhere along the route Pop and Peeta joined hands. Some of the other veterans took note and followed their example.

All of the parade participants made their way to the town green. 

The parade spectators started to make their way to the green.  Delly insisted on joining them.  So with Mom, Katniss and Thom's help, Delly somehow managed to make it to the green.

Katniss asked Mom and Delly to watch Willow. Willow happily jumped into the arms of her grandmother.

Katniss went to stand between her husband and Pop. She held onto Peeta's and Pop's hands.

They listened to speech after speech. All the speakers, were veterans and they all spoke from their heart. But, ultimately their words were lost to the wind.

Finally, Taps was blown.

The full assemblage and Color Guard came to attention.

This was what mattered today.

Lt. Katniss Everdeen, Lance Corporal James Cartwright and Staff Sargent Peeta Mellark along with the rest of the veterans came to attention and smartly saluted the flag.

All their tears flowed together and they all remembered.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What actually happened to Katniss, John and Primrose Everdeen.


	18. The Girl with the Braid, Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katniss schedules a meeting with her old therapist and mentor.

After completing his Pediatric Residency, Peeta looked to find a suitable Fellowship in Pediatric Oncology. After an exhaustive interview process and an extensive background screening, he was offered a Pediatric Oncology Fellowship in a leading teaching hospital in Washington DC.

Peeta was initially reluctant to uproot his family from their home on Long Island. Katniss recognized that this opportunity would not soon come along again for Peeta. 

" Peeta, don't be an ass! You can't turn this down! The kids and I will be ok. They need APRNs( Advanced Practice Nurses). I know I will get a job. Besides, we are not made of sugar and we aren't going to melt in the rain."

So with prodding from Katniss, Peeta accepted the hospital's offer. Katniss and Peeta decided to make the move from Long Island, NY to Alexandria, VA, which is a suburb of DC, located six miles south of Washington, DC.

The Eveerden/Mellark home was a comfortable, Tudor style house located in a quiet cul-de-sac. Katniss and Peeta were happy that the neighborhood had many loud and boisterous, young children for Willow and Cade to play with.

They loved that there was an old Carriage House on the property. Peeta had converted that space into a studio and office for Katniss and himself.

The house was a reflection of it's new owners personalities. The interior of the house was painted in bright, warm colors. The furniture was comfortable and welcoming. The walls were adorned with Peeta's art and photographs of their friends and family. Many of the framed photographs were taken by Katniss.

To her surprise, Katniss found that she enjoyed and had a talent for photography.  One of the best Christmas presents Peeta ever gave her was a vintage, German made 35 millimeter camera.  Peeta explained that there was something about film, that gave photographs a warmth, depth and a sense of life, that a digital camera just didn't have. The results spoke for themselves. The more she worked with the camera, the more Katniss had to agree with Peeta's artistic sensibilities.

Of course her favorite subjects to photograph was her family. Her favorite photograph, which she had framed and placed on her nightstand, was taken Halloween evening, after the Trick or Treating was done and all the candy was counted. Cade and Willow were still in their costumes laying on their father's chest sleeping. Peeta's arms protectively embracing them, even as he slept. 

Katniss would get lost in time, looking at that photograph and marveling at her good fortune. 

The joy of creation that Peeta experienced when he drew, sketched or painted was something she finally understood and experienced for herself. Art and Photography were more of the many threads, that wove together the fabric of their life.  

Since the baker's son came into her life.  Katniss found herself spontaneously singing. She sang songs from her youth. She sang songs that her father taught to both she and Prim. She sang for the sheer joy of it.

Willow said, " Daddy, doesn't Mommy have a pretty voice?"

Peeta answered with a sense of awe and wonder. " Mommy's singing puts the song birds to shame."

There were so many years, when music and song were devoid from her life.

Peeta had insisted that they purchase a piano for their new home. At first, Katniss resisted the idea of owning a piano. She said it was much too costly. They had so many other pressing items to buy for their home. A piano could wait.

The real reason she resisted the piano and letting music into her life was fear. She didn't know if she could stand the bittersweet memories of her family singing together. Music for Katniss was infused with memories and feelings of both tremendous joy and tremendous loss.

When the piano was delivered katniss simply avoided it. She treated the piano as if it was an overpriced piece of furniture, that periodically needed to be polished and dusted.

She was happy that Peeta had arranged for Willow to take piano lessons. It gave her great joy to see her daughter take such pleasure in playing the instrument.

One Saturday morning, Katniss was up early and she wandered over to the piano. On top of the instrument, there was a framed photograph of her father and Prim, playing a piece together. Katniss picked up the photograph and closely examined the picture. Their smiles were so genuine and happy. Katniss longed to have that feeling for herself.

Katniss then did the unthinkable. She sat in front of the key board. She raised the cover. Her fingers were trembling. Tears were running down her cheeks. She found herself haltingly playing the beginning refrains of "Clair de Lune." As the piece progressed, she found herself smiling.

Her hands and fingers remembered the keys and the notes. With each passing moment, she experienced a wonderful fluidity in her playing, as her fingers moved effortlessly over the key board.

She felt a wave of loving feelings for her father, her sister and her mother.  She remembered a family, that loved, accepted and enjoyed each other.  She remembered her father's deep, melodious voice. She remembered her sister's laughter and her gentle touch and she remembered, her mother's loving embrace.

She recalled, how her mother would look adoringly at her father. It was as if Helen and John Everdeen were connected by an invisible golden thread, hardwired into each others soul. What agony must her mother had felt in losing her soul mate? Katniss felt a chill as she imagined what would it be like for her to loose Peeta? Now, after all these years, Katniss truly understood her mother.

Katniss played on and the memories and feelings of love infused her with an increasing confidence, till she reached the end of the piece.  Only then was she aware of Peeta standing in the hallway, looking at Katniss with a combination of awe and reverence, as if he was on the threshold of a church's sanctuary, waiting to enter.

 Katniss was feeling suddenly self conscious and embarrassed.

" I'm not very good."

Peeta walked across the room and sat next to her. He looked at her with such love. He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it.

" Katniss, that was the most beautiful piece of music, I have ever heard. Please don't stop playing."

Katniss felt a wave of relief and from that moment on, she embraced the gifts of song and music, that her parents had given her long ago. The home of Katniss and Peeta was now filled with music and art.

Peeta had constructed a playscape in their backyard, that Willow and her friends would play on for hours. Willow had an open heart and loved all her friends. Sometimes Katniss worried, that her daughter's sweet disposition, would only leave her open to heart ache.  She may have looked like a little Katniss with blue eyes, but her character was so much like her father.

One day over coffee, Katniss asked Mrs. Cartwright, " What was Peeta like as a little boy?"

Janet Cartwright held Katniss's hand and remembered her chubby, laughing little Peeta.

" Katniss, he was the most loving and affectionate little boy. He loved unconditionally. He had been so hurt, both emotionally and physically by his mother's abuse and his father's inaction."

Katniss felt rage rise up in her at Peeta's mother. How could a mother do this to her son? She thought of someone harming Cade and she felt like vomiting.

Peeta never ever talked about the abuse. He loved his brothers and had worked hard to have an ongoing relationship with his father and his new wife.

Mrs. Cartwright continued, " In spite of all that was done to him. He never became embittered or isolated. I don't know why. He has always sought to move beyond the pain, that life has given him. He finds what is good and shares it with those he loves."

" When he returned from Afghanistan, wounded and broken, we thought we had lost him."

Katniss remembered the dull eyed, emaciated, dehydrated, wounded man, that she first encountered in the ER.  Peeta was a man who had been devestated by war and loss.  Who would have imagined, that the man lying on that gurney smelling of vomit and urine, would become her clear eyed, loving husband and doting father to her children? She had learned never to underestimate the tenacity and optimism of Peeta Mellark.   

Janet went on." Peeta did what Peeta does best, he looks for the best in situations and people. He found love and moved forward with his life, a wonderful life he created with you."

" Willow so much reminds me of Peeta. That openness and gentleness are just, part of who they are. You may not see it Katniss, but it is also part of, who you are."

After that conversation with Mrs. Cartwright, Katniss made a call that she had put off for too long.

" Mom, it's me Katniss. I have Express Mailed you two round trip plane tickets. I want you to come to Alexandria to get to really know your grandchildren and I want my mother back."

Helen Everdeen and Katniss spent much of that week crying, hugging, laughing and remembering. Willow and Cade got to know their grand mother. Grand Mother Helen was now a frequent, welcome fixture in the Mellark/Everdeen home.

 Katniss and Peeta were healing, but everyday was still a struggle for both of them. However, together they were able to combat the two headed monster of depression and PTSD. 

Peeta had read that Winston Churchill was prone to episodes of severe depression and he referred to his depression as the, " Black Dog." Peeta began using that term to label his depression. " I am Peeta Mellark. I am suffering with depression today, but I will not be defined by that diagnosis. I am not my depression"

Katniss was so proud of Peeta. He continued to work in therapy, here with his therapist in Washington DC. His psychiatrist had tapered down his dose of Zoloft and soon Peeta would be medication free.

 His Black Dog Days were happening less and less and when they occurred, his recovery time was significantly less.

Katniss continued to have her battle with depression and anxiety. There were many good days, when she could focus on her family, her friends and her work. But, there were days, when the flood of tragic memories and depressed thoughts overwhelmed her. She could do nothing, but retreat to her bed. Peeta would hold her for hours and tell her he loved her and things would get better.

Willow would be so frightened, when her Mommy became sad. Her Mommy went away and it sometimes seemed like she never was coming back. Peeta would tell his children, that their Mommy always would be there for them. In an attempt to sooth and distract the little ones, he and Willow, with the help of little Cade, would make and bake a loaf of wonderful smelling bread filled with nuts and raisins, which was Mommy's favorite.

Willow loved baking with her father. However, she was remarkably perceptive child and saw her father's hands and fingers tremble, while he worked the dough.

Once one of Willow's friends said that her father was handsome as a Disney prince. But, when Mommy went away, her father looked sad, worried and oh, so tired. Daddy tried hard to make Willow and Cade feel secure and happy, even as his heart was breaking and he was full of fear for Mommy.

Willow looked at her father and wanted to make him feel better. She pulled him down to her eye level, put her little hands on both sides of Peeta's face and said, " Don't worry Daddy, Mommy is going to be better, real soon. I just know it."

Peeta hugged his little girl and simply said, " Thank you, my love."

Her father's sad and worried face would only lift, when her mommy returned to them from, the dark place. Then her father smiled and he held on to her mother as if he would never let her go. It felt like the bright sun, had come out after a frightening bad storm. 

Katniss held Willow and Cade in her lap. " I know you were worried, but I promise that I will always make my way back to the two of you."

Some days passed and Peeta said, " Katniss, you know you need to make an appointment with Marcus."

" I know Peeta. I was trying not to open up old wounds."

" Katniss, what would you tell your patients?"

Katnsiss smirked at Peeta. She really hated to be reminded of what she knew, she should already be doing. The irony was that as an Advanced Practice Nurse with a specialty in Pediatric and Adolescent Psychiatry, Katniss knew that suppressing thoughts or a memories only gave those very same thoughts, memories and feelings increased power and strength.

Katniss shook her head. Some days it was hard to believe, that the clueless, closed off girl from Long Island had found her calling working with children, teens and their families suffering with emotional problems. She laughingly blamed her choice on Peeta, who consistently told her she could do anything she set her mind to and her therapist/mentor Dr. Marcus Aurelius, who modeled what a caring and compassionate therapist could accomplish.

" I already called Marcus and set up an appointment. Peeta, I want to see him in his office. The Skype and phone sessions are fine, but, these memories have become to much for me."

" Do you want me to go with you? Mom and Pop would be happy to watch the kids and we can spend an overnight in the city."

Of course her Peeta would want to go with her, but she knew she had to make this trip alone.

" Sweetie, can I collect a rain check? Marcus and I need to do this alone. But, I do want to spend time with you real soon, alone in a king sized bed in a hotel suite overlooking Central Park, where we may or may not leave our room."

Katniss pulled Peeta in for a loving, passionate kiss, "I love you Peeta Mellark."

" I love you Katniss Everdeen. Always."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the help of Dr. Aurelius Katniss confronts feelings and memories from her past.


	19. A Visit to the Animal Shelter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little stand alone chapter about how Katniss and Peeta find a pet for Cade and Willow.

Damn Peeta Mellark with his beautiful, blue, puppy dog eyes.  Katniss was pissed. No fucking way were they getting a dog. They were still settling in. How could they have a pet, with their schedule? This time, the look was not going to work. Peeta usually could get this sensible and logical woman to do just about anything he wanted, but not this time. She was going to put her foot down. She was not going to the animal shelter with Peeta and that was final!

" Come on Katniss. I'm not saying that we have to get a dog today, but shouldn't we at least take a look at the dogs in the shelter. If someone doesn't adopt them, they will be put to sleep. Besides, having a pet is part of growing up. It will teach Cade and Willow responsibility. They won't be spending all their time starring into a computer screen. Come on you know it will be good for them."

Oh, Peeta Mellark had a way with words.

It seemed that Katniss was under assault from her whole family, to get a pet. 

Even her sweet baby boy was conspiring to get a dog. Little Cade would run across the yard as fast as his chubby toddler legs would take him. He was on a mission to hug his friend the Johnson's Black Labrador, "Chocolate". 

" Doggy!, Doggy!, Doggy!" Cade would yell as he ran toward the large dog. Fortunately, Chocolate, loved children and would tolerate the toddler's tight embrace. The sight of the curly, blond, mop topped little boy dwarfed by the large dog initially frightened Katniss.

After Cade's first escapade. Katniss frantically called her husband at the hospital. "Peeta, do you know what Cade did today? He nearly got bitten by the Johnson's dog."

Peeta was alarmed, " Is he o.k, Katniss ? Did anything happen to him? Did the dog try to bite him? "

" Well....no Peeta. Chocolate has such a sweet disposition. I think Cade might have actually hurt the poor dog. But, your two children are just entirely too friendly and trusting! We have to do something!"

" Like what sweetheart?"

" Make them more like me."

They both laughed over the phone together.

The very next day, Katniss was telling Cade to be gentle with Chocolate.

" Baby, you need to be gentle with Chocolate. She is a doggy, not a toy."

Cade looked up at his mother and give Katniss a wide smile. Her son's smile took his mother's breath away. " My God, he looks just like Peeta."

Cade hugged the gentle dog one more time. " Doggy," he said, while his little arms around hugged his furry friend and kissed the gentle animal on the head

" Say bye, bye to Chocolate. We'll see her tomorrow. Cade waved bye."

Katniss knew that tomorrow Cade would be doing the exact same thing, with the Labrador.

Katniss and Cade walked back into the house.

Willow was using all her colored markers and drawing on her big, news print pad. Willow looked up at her mother. " Did Cade run over to hug Chocolate?"

" Yes, your little brother went on one of his adventures."

Cade made a big, yawn.

Katniss said, " Ok big boy, time for a nap." Cade put his head on his mother's shoulder and put him in for a nap.

When Katniss went downstairs, Willow asked her mother, " Mommy, didn't you and Aunt Prim have a kitty? You said the kitty's name was Buttercup." 

" Well it wasn't a kitty, it was a mangy, Tom Cat that Aunt Prim adopted. The cat would hiss and try to scratch me, but your Aunt Prim had such a way with animals and grouchy people. Aunt Prim even liked me!," Katniss said with a twinkle in her eye.

" Mommy, I like you a lot and even though Cade can't talk, I think he likes you and I know Daddy likes you a whole lot."

" Well you all better like me or I'm in big trouble." Katniss gave Willow a big hug and kiss.

" Mommy, can we get a puppy?  That way we can have a puppy to love and Cade won't run across the yard to hug Chocolate. I know Daddy wants a dog. He and Aunt Delly had a dog. Aunt Delly was telling me all about Missy. She and Uncle Thom are getting a dog and they have Martin and are both real busy, like you and Daddy are. I asked Grand Pop about Missy. He said, Daddy and Aunt Delly took turns walking and feeding her. When Cade gets bigger we can take turns taking care of the puppy."

Katniss struggled to sound calm. " Well, what Aunt Delly and Uncle Thom decide is fine for them. Daddy and I need to discuss this together"

" Jesus Christ, Delly!," Katniss thought. She was going to have to put her foot down with Delly and Pop. What Peeta and Katniss decided, would be their decision and theirs alone. The she quickly felt ashamed of herself for overreacting. After all it was just a dog.

" Mommy, we could adopt a shelter dog. I don't want a fancy dog. I want a Mutt. Mutt's have the best temper.... I forgot the word."

Katniss said, " Temperament?"

"Yes Mommy, temperament."

"Mommy, I don't want them to put the dogs to sleep, because nobody wants them."  Willow started to cry softly. Her little, blue eyes shimmering with tears.

Katniss gently pulled her daughter onto her lap and cradled her in her arms. " She is just like her father and that isn't a bad thing," Katniss thought.

Katniss chided herself and said, " And I was never going to get married or have children."  Katniss was eternally grateful, that she was no longer, that hurt, isolated young woman, who made those pronouncements years ago.

So latter that afternoon, after Peeta made his rounds and in spite of her better judgment, she found herself visiting the shelter on Front Street.

Katniss followed her husband down the center aisle. He had changed into jeans and a tee shirt. The former Ranger, still looked youthful. She always liked, when he dressed casually. He looked like the boy, she had fallen in love with years ago.  

Peeta always possesd a quiet, gentleness. She saw how much he gave to his little patients and their families. She watched as he daily demonstrated his love for his children and she felt his love and caring everyday. 

The frightened, abused shelter dogs seemed to have an innate trust in Peeta.  He spoke to them in a low soothing voice. His hand gently rubbing their fur and petting behind their ears. Their warning growls replaced by happy barks and wagging tails.

Peeta knew what was to become of these animals, if they were not adopted. The sheer waste and tragedy of this inevitable outcome, suddenly weighed heavily on him. Katniss saw the change in Peeta's demeanor. His shoulders slouched and his face took on the visage of the wounded, war weary veteran.

Katniss thought, "Am I being selfish?"

Katniss had been holding her self back. She had let Peeta ask the questions and interact with the animals. Her mission as she saw it was to be the voice of reason. Her husband would adopt every dog here, if she let him. 

They just were not getting a dog today.

The she saw it. There was a Mutt, a beautiful Mutt. This large size dog's lineage, was anyone's guess.  However, this animal had a bright intense intelligence in it's eyes. It had brown and white patches of fur. It looked right at her. It seemed to beckon to Katniss. Katniss bent down on one knee and offered her hand to the animal. The attendant noticed the interaction between Katniss and the dog.  

" That there is Maxwell or Max.  He is real smart, but real cautious. He was abused and neglected.  When he was found he was severely malnourished and in pain."

Katniss reached out and stroked the head of Max. His tail was wagging and he put his head onto Katniss's knee.

" Too bad his cautious nature doesn't appeal to younger families, who are looking for more overtly, affectionate dogs. He is scheduled to be put to sleep Tuesday morning, if he is not adopted by then."

Peeta intensely watched Katniss interact with the dog. He didn't say a word.

Finally, Katniss pulled away from Max. It was time to go home and pick the kids up from Mom and Pop.

Peeta was unusually quiet for the rest of the evening. Katniss kept thinking of Max, Prim and Prim's mangy cat.

" Katniss, if I don't take care of Buttercup, who will?" Prim's words kept echoing in her head.

All day Sunday, Katniss could not shake the thought of Max.  She said to herself, " Surely, someone will come along and adopt him."  She had the nagging thought, that their family had all ready come along for Max.

Peeta had promised that he would not pressure katniss and he kept his word, but he seemed so sad.

On Monday, Katniss came into the clinic and asked what her morning was like. " Dr. Everdeen, you have a medication evaluation this morning at 9 AM and after, you have a consultation on the Pediatric Oncology Floor requested by Dr. Mellark."

Katniss asked the clinic secretary to reschedule her afternoon appointments.  She would leave the clinic early, after the consult was completed.  She had something very important to take care of for her family, that just wouldn't wait.

When Peeta walked through the door, after work, he found Katniss on her knees cursing and clutching a spray bottle of carpet cleaner.

There was their new dog.

Max was licking Cade, while Willow was laughing and hugging their new dog.

Willowed was giggling and yelled out. " Daddy, Max peed on the rug!"

Peeta broke out in a huge smile.

Katniss looked up at her husband and said, " Not a word, Peeta Mellark. Not a word."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to her visit to Dr. Aurelius


	20. Mentor and Grave Stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss visits an old friend and mentor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katniss confronts loss with the aid of her mentor.

The old Checker cab stopped in front of St. Matthew's cemetery. Katniss looked toward the church graveyard. When she left D.C. this morning, she had never anticipated being here. She wanted out of the cab, its interior smelled of decades of old cigarettes and cigars. Still Katniss hesitated before getting out of the cab.

The worn-out looking man asked, " Do you want me to wait, Miss?"

Katniss thought for a moment. " No I'll call, when I am ready to be picked up."

Katniss had already spoken to Peeta at the hospital. She wasn't going to make it back to D.C. tonight. Katniss had unfinished business here in Long Island.

She could hear the anxiety in Peeta's voice. He was worried. Her recent bouts with the Black Dog of depression had made him very concerned for her. Her physical withdrawal and isolation had hurt him.  She loved that her husband tried to sound reassuring over the phone. However, Peeta could never hide his true feelings from Katniss. When it came to Katniss, his emotions were never hidden. He was transparent as fresh spring water. They had learned over the years, to read each other so well.

" Don't worry Katniss, I have it all covered."

Peeta was leaving work after he completed his morning rounds. Mom and Pop were watching Cade and Willow.

" Sweetheart, don't worry. You know that Willow has Pop wrapped around her little finger and Cade just loves the attention that Mom gives him. If need be, they can sleep there overnight and Pop will drive Willow to school in the morning. Max can stay another night in the kennel."

Katniss smiled to herself and said, " Peeta, that is what I am worried about. After all the attention you and your family give to the kids, how can I possibly compare?" Katniss hesitated, " I know that you have things well in hand. I reserved a room at the airport hotel and I am booked on the first flight from LaGuardia to Reagan. I love you and I will call you later, when I get settled in my room. Peeta, don't worry about me." Katniss knew, that wasn't going to happen.

Katniss walked slowly through the cemetery. She had not been back here since her sister died. She never came to visit. After all Prim and Daddy weren't really here. She never understood the need of families to visit cemeteries and linger in front of a head stone. Peeta went to visit Finnick's grave quite frequently, and now she was here.

It had already been an exhausting day. Her meeting with Dr. Aurelius was as expected draining.

How long would she have to deal with anger, loss and sadness? Katniss already knew the answer, " For a lifetime."

The psychologist had a large, home office with a sizable group room, set back on a quiet tree lined street.

Marcus was a little greyer. His stomach was a little rounder and his hair was thinning, but he still had the same open, friendly face and sharp mind. He had a full practice and he wasn't about to slow down.

Dr. Marcus Aurelius was her therapist, friend and mentor. His insights and constructive criticism had helped her with her doctoral studies and her dissertation. She would for forever grateful to this wise, mensch of a man.

Marcus welcomed her into his office and to her surprise, enveloped her in a warm embrace. He told her to sit in the large, overstuffed treatment chair and make herself comfortable.

" I took the liberty of making us some tea. Earl Grey, if I remember correctly and you were partial to Peeta's cheese buns."

" Thank you Marcus. You remembered."

" How is Peeta? How are Cade and Willow?"

Katniss sipped her tea and said, " Peeta is still the best decision I ever made in my life. He is very busy. His patients love him. He is a loving doting father." She grimaced." He is sick with worry for me." Marcus nodded.

" On a lighter note, my little ones are doing great. I have some recent pictures. I am also a dog owner. His name is Max. He is a mutt."

Marcus laughed, Will wonder never cease." He took her smart phone and smiled as he looked at pictures of Katniss's family. " Katniss you have come along way since I first met you."

" Katniss, tell me what is wrong?"

" Marcus, I don't understand it. Truthfully, I don't . I have everything in my life, that I ever wanted. Actually, I have a life I never imagined I could have, but my Black Dog Days are back and there are times, when I am frozen in fear. My flashbacks of Afghanistan, and of Prim and Daddy's death consume me."

Marcus was never one to mince words. " Katniss, you more than most know, that we are never done repairing the pain, that comes from our losses. You already know that. The best we can do is the best that we can do."

" Good God Marcus, shrinks make the obvious, obvious. I cant believe I joined the cult of  shrinkdom. Sweet Jesus, now I am one of you." They both laughed.

Katniss glanced around the room. Nothing had changed after all these years. The comfortable, worn leather couch, the side chairs, the art on the walls, the slightly frayed rug, the picture's Marcus had of his unit in Vietnam, all remained the same , just as when she and Peeta had attended their first group meeting. Yes this was a safe place. She felt it then and she felt it now.

" Marcus, why are all these thoughts and feelings happening now?"

Marcus sighed and responded softly. " Katniss there are two terrible fates that await us. One is not getting what we desire. The other is getting what we desire."

" Socrates Marcus?" Katniss replied sarcastically.

" Yes Katniss. truth is truth. Because you have created a rich, full life, you are terrified of losing it all. Your love for Peeta and your children reactivated all of your anxieties connected to your father, sister and the emotional loss of your mother, when you needed her the most. Unfortunately, the work that we do will force you to confront these feelings now and forever. It is called life and it can't be cured, only lived."

Katniss knew Marcus was right. She never thought she would fall in love, let alone marry and have children. Peeta was unexpected. His love and optimism in spite of all that happened to him still amazed her. She understood that he loved her early on in their relationship. What surprised her was how much she relished his love for her. She felt herself open to him. He never pushed. Peeta was like a delicious meal that left her wanting more.

Marcus devoted the rest of their time together directly addressing Katniss's specific PTSD symptoms, using EMDR as a treatment to reduce her emotional reactivity to her traumatic memories.

Marcus had not directed her to visit the cemetery, but here she was on this sunny spring afternoon. She was standing in front of the grave of John Everdeen and Primrose Everdeen. It just felt right being here. Katniss sat down cross-legged in front of the gravestone.

" Hi Daddy. Hi Prim." She felt self conscious. She felt ridiculous. Still she went on. " It's me Katniss." Katniss took a breath. The sunlight filtered through the leaves on the trees." I love you both, but I am so angry with you. you both left me behind and then Mom left me. How could you do that? It screwed me up. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to die, but I was too depressed to kill myself. How fucked up is that? Mom was so depressed, that I don't she would have noticed if I killed myself."

Katniss thought to herself, " I am talking to a stone. This is ridiculous! What am I doing?" Nevertheless, she went on.

" Daddy, Prim after you left, home became a tomb. I had to leave before I became a walking corpse like Mom. I made it all the way to Afghanistan." She felt the warm tears on her face. she wanted to leave the cemetery, but still she persisted. " It was horrible. But, I had never felt so useful. I made a real difference. But, the choppers kept coming with the wounded, filled with boys my age and younger. Their bodies were torn open. They were crying for their mothers. They would hold my hand and ask if they were going to be alright."

Katniss remembered the feel of the young Marines hand in her hand. He wanted Katniss to say he would be going home. He died on the operating table.

" Daddy, do remember what you taught me about making a clean kill? We had a moral responsibility to make an animal's death as painless as possible. In Afghanistan, I learned how cruel people can be to each other. IED's, mortar rounds and bullets rip apart the body to produce the most horrifying means of injuring and killing people. Humans are good at that."

" I was surrounded by other people, doctors and nurses. I didn't lack for company, There were men who wanted me. I knew that I wouldn't/couldn't have what you and mom had. So sex was a good substitute. Sex was best with someone I didn't care about. If he developed feelings for me, it was over quickly. That didn't change, when I got stateside, until I met Peeta."

" You would both love Peeta. He reminds me of you Daddy. I didn't expect to fall in love and yet I love him so much. Sometimes, I'm afraid that he'll wake up one day and realize he doesn't love me anymore. Do I realistically think that would happen? No, I don't. He shows me he loves me each day. He makes me laugh. I spend most of my time with him smiling. Sometimes, I just like watching him sleep, because I can see the little boy in him. I wish he had come into my life sooner. But, maybe I wouldn't have been ready for him. I spent so much time in that fucked up relationship with Gale. What was that all about?"

" Peeta is a wonderful father. Oh! I didn't tell you that I'm a mother. Cade and Willow are my two beautiful babies. I didn't see myself being a mother. But, I can't imagine my life without them. Prim, Daddy I see you both in my children. I hear the two of you, when they laugh and play."

Katniss pulled at the grass and looked toward the sky. Her mind wandered. It really wasn't fair to leave Max in the kennel overnight simply because she had to exorcise her inner demons.

" Prim, guess what? I have a dog! Yeah, I know. Who would have thought that I would have a pet? Well he is a great dog, except he poops and pees on my carpets. He is a mutt. But, Max is part of the family. Now I know how you felt about Buttercup. God, life is weird!"

" Do you know what else? I am Dr. Everdeen! I completed my doctorate. I am an APRN working with kids and teens with emotional problems. Isn't that funny? When I was a kid and a teenager, I really did not like children. Now, I work with them everyday. There are so many broken children. I help them. and guess what? I love it. I'm good at it. Peeta says I have a gift. Maybe I do. I think I am ready to believe him. I think the two of you would be proud of me."

" I miss the two of you every day, but I can't live in the past. I know that. Daddy, you taught me not to be afraid and to relish life. You loved your family and now I have a family. I remember everything you taught me."

" Prim, my little duck, you were the best sister I could ever hope for. While I was closed, you were open. I am trying to stay open, my beautiful little girl. I learned so much from you."

Katniss stood up from her sitting position.

" Daddy, Prim I miss my babies and I miss my husband. I don't want to spend the night away from them. You are in my heart and I carry you with me where ever I go. But, right now, I need to go home."

Katniss called for a cab. She looked at her watch. This was going to be close. She called Peeta's cell.

"Peeta, I am coming home tonight."

" Katniss is everything ok?"

" Yes Peeta I don't want to spend the night away fro you , the kids and the dumb dog. I am alight. I love you."

Katniss turned toward the grave stone. " I love you both, but I have my family waiting for me." 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The PTSD Group.


	21. The Group

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apple Pie and a PTSD Group

" One coffee and one tea with lemon and two apple pies." Peeta put down the menus and smiled sweetly at the waitress."

Katniss noticed the waitress blushing. " Sure thing honey. Can I get you anything else?"

" Not right now. We will let you know." Peeta looked at the waitresses name tag. " Thank you Lucy."

Peeta looked at Katniss apologetically and said, " I am sorry. Did you want a scoop of ice cream on your pie? Sometimes, I like a scoop of a ice cream on mine. That was my favorite thing to get when my, " Mom and Pop," brought me and Delly here on a Sunday." afternoon.

Katniss tried to imagine what Peeta Mellark looked like as a little boy. She imagined a bright boy with sky blue eyes and a mop of curly blond hair with an ice cream mustache all around his mouth. The image made her smile.

" Who is Delly?"

" Oh Delly and I grew up together. Her mother and father raised me. I love them like my own parents. Would you like to see some pictures?'

Katniss nodded yes. Peeta handed her his phone and Katniss scrolled through the photos on the phone. Her heart gently ached, when she saw Peeta with the Cartwrights. They looked like they loved each other.  Katniss took note of Delly Cartwright. She was beautiful and she looked like she was Peeta's twin sister.

Katniss remembered the Everdeen family of her youth.

" Stop it Katniss." She said to herself. " Nothing good ever comes from dredging up old memories."

Peeta went on to talk about his childhood with the Cartwright and Delly.

Katniss sat back and listened to this man talk. She was in no hurry for this evening to end. This was puzzling to her, because normally at this point in the evening, Katrniss would be battling back her irritation and would be angling for an exit.

Katniss remembered her last date, with the new ER Attending. Seneca Crane was a preening man/boy, who truly thought that he was God's gift to single women. Johanna had talked her into giving that pompous ass a chance. Katniss found out that Seneca Crane's favorite topic was Seneca Crane. At the end of the evening, the narcissistic asshole tried to slip her the tongue. The bastard was lucky that she didn't bite it off.

In contrast, Katniss felt comfortable with Peeta Mellark. She remembered being in another diner, in rural New York State. She remembered the apple pie she and her father shared after a day of hunting. Peeta (when had he become Peeta?) looked nothing like her father, yet in her mind the two men were very similar in their personalities. Katniss thought her father would like Peeta  Mellark a great deal.

The more Peeta disclosed details of his life, the more she wanted to know all about him.

She listened as he told her about his unwieldy family.

He laughed about his success and failures on the wrestling mat.

He spoke about his paintings and sculptures. She asked if she could see a photograph of his work. He showed Katniss one of his paintings. It was a landscape of the dessert in Afghanistan.

" It is beautiful, Peeta." The former Army Ranger blushed like a little boy. Katniss found it endearing.

Peeta was happy to have someone to talk to, who understood the challenges of becoming a physician.

Peeta seemed a world away, when she described the families and children he had gotten to know in Afghanistan.  His eyes became wet when he spoke about Finnick, his concerns for Annie and little Finnick.

" Annie is having a hard time making ends meet. I have to do everything I can to help them."

Somehow Katniss knew he would help them. She knew this about him. " Peeta, I know you will help them. I just know it."

She found out that Peeta was an excellent listener. He was interested in her life. With most men, Katniss was reticent to share anything about her life. However, with Peeta Mellark she found herself opening up to him. She told him about her mother and father. She told him that her father taught her to hunt.

" I feel like the forest is the one place, that I can be my authentic self."

Katniss went on to tell Peeta about her love for her sister. She found her self tearing up as she spoke to Peeta about the pain, that came from the deaths of her father and sister.

Peeta reached across the table and gently took her hand in his and said, " I wish I could have met them." She believed that he meant it. She did not want to pull back from his warm hand.

When Peeta talked about his real parents and brother, Katniss noticed the pain in his eyes.  Peeta said he was close with his brothers. He was still working on his relationship with his father.

" What about your mother?"

" We don't talk. Lets just say we are estranged."

Katniss didn't push for details. Peeta looked at her sadly and said, ",One day I will tell you everything, but I don't want to ruin tonight."

Katniss gently laughed and said, " Oh, are we doing this again? "

Peeta smiled and his eyes lit up. " Oh sure, I'd like to do it again. If you would allow it."

Katniss smiled and simply said, " I will allow it."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Peeta had to muster all his courage to ask Katniss to join him for coffee that evening.

What if she said no?

" Dude, you fucking faced the Taliban. Get your head out of your ass Mellark. If she says no, well your no worse off, then you are now. But, at least you will know where you stand."

When Peeta asked her to join him, she was reluctant to say yes. Peeta smiled sweetly, damping down his disappointment and said, "Some other time then? " He started to walk toward his car. He thought, " At least I asked. Nothing ventured nothing gained."

Johanna had been watching the whole exchange. She pulled Katniss aside and smacked her on the back of her head,

" Johanna! What the fuck?"

" Listen brainless, if you don't go after blondie right now, I will. He is fucking cute and smart and you are not a nun. Go after him now!"

Katniss scowled at Johanna. " Christ Joe! Pushy much? You know he was a patient at our hospital?"

" Yeah I am pushy. He is not a patient now. Now stop talking to me and go after him, or I swear I will. And you know that if I do I will be riding him like a mechanical bull by morning. So you better hurry. Blondie is almost at his car."

" Johanna I cant tell you just how gross you are."

" Yes I am gross, but I am right!"

Against her better judgement, she found herself chasing after Peeta. " Mellark! Wait up! Yeah, I'll go with you to get a cup of coffee."

Peeta broke into a dazzling smile. " Well that's good to hear."

Katniss would always remember that smile.

Doctor Aurelius' office was close to Northern Boulevard and the diner was in walking distance. As she walked with Peeta. She found herself feeling a small ember of warmth in her chest. The evening grew chilly and Peeta hooked his arm into hers. Katniss remembered her father doing the same thing with her mother and how in the eyes of a little girl, her mother and father seemed to melt into one another. 

Katniss thought to herself, that this was turning out to be a very interesting evening.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 Katniss looked at the door of the group room. Sweet freedom was just a few feet away and she could escape from these people including Johanna. Tonight, she definitely wanted out of this room.

This was the fourth group meeting and the honeymoon period of sweet gentle introductions was over. Now the emotion in this room was palpable. The anger, regret, fear and hopelessness of her fellow group member flowed through the room like a Tsunami threatening to engulf Katniss.

Katniss took note of her fellow group members.

There was Thresh an ex Marine, who was a mountain of a man. There was a sweetness and gentleness, that seemed at odds with his imposing physicality. He was quick to smile and to offer support. He was working as a roofer. He barely made ends meet. However, he never complained about his current circumstances.

There was Johanna her best and only friend, with whom she worked and shared an apartment with. It still surprised Katniss that Johanna had elected to be part of this group. Johanna worked with Katniss as a nurse in the ER and she like Katniss was in the Army, but had served in Iraq. Johanna was sarcastic, angry, profane, seductive and sexual. Katniss knew that Johanna suffered her share of loss, but would never talk about her pain with anyone. She and Katniss were in that way kindred spirits.

Mitchell reminded Katniss of a taut steel spring. He had been in the Army and he had been involved with Special Operations. She overheard Peeta Mellark say to Thresh, that he suspected Mitchell as being part of Delta Force, the elite special operations unit of the Army. There was an air of menace to this man.  He worked as a detective for the NYPD on the Anti-Terrorism Task Force. Mitchell was someone that Katniss wanted to keep her distance from. However, this intimidating man seemed to soften, when he talked to Johanna. Katniss noticed that Joe would make it a point to talk to Mitchell for a few minutes, both before and after group.

Thomas was just a quiet man. All he revealed was that he had served two tours one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. He had suffered a severe concussion from an IED. He was attending community college and trying not to fail out of school.

Katniss brought her attention back to the group. Wasn't Dr. Aurelius supposed to keep some kind of lid on this group? He just sat there like a middle aged Buddha with reading glasses.

Peeta Mellark was speaking. She remembered him. The fact that he had a claim on her memory puzzled her. As a nurse in a busy ER, Katniss interacted and treated many broken men and women, each and every shift. Why did he make such an impression on her?

Peeta Mellark had cleaned up nicely. Gone was the dirty, desert camo. Peet Mellark was wearing a pair of pressed, khaki pants, a blue long sleeved collared shirt and a maroon pullover sweater. His hair was cut and fashionably styled.

Katniss had closely observed him over the past several weeks.  His mobility had improved dramatically. However, he still needed the assistance of a cane to help in walking.

Katniss remembered the face of Peeta Mellark, who she had treated in the ER. Then he had a hopeless, depressed look and his eyes were glassy and vacant. That damaged Peeta Mellark was replaced by a clear eyed, soft spoken, but determined man, who held the attention of the group. 

Katniss brought her attention back to what Peeta was saying.

" I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I miss it there. There was a stark beauty to the place. The people had a quiet dignity. I miss the kids."

Thresh looked at Peeta in disbelief. " Mellark, that place was a shit hole, filled with Haji's who would cut your throat, or fuck you over with an AK, as soon as look at you. Man, you and I served in two different countries."

The group including Peeta laughed at Thresh's comment.

Dr. Aqurleius questioned the group. " Is there anything you regret doing there?"

No one spoke for several minutes. The silence in the room was deafening. Katniss looked over at Peeta Mellark. She knew he was going to speak. While she had made it he business to say as little as humanly possible. It seemed he never shied away from topics, that made him uncomfortable.

" I lost people over there." He looked around the room. They all nodded their heads, including the Doctor. Was he thinking for his time in Viet Nam humping through a rice field?

Johanna had her knees drawn to her chest. She was gently rocking back and forth in her chair. Her initial sarcastic, flippant demeanor that she had first presented, had been replaced by a woman who listened intensely to each persons story. 

" I can live with that. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for taking lives. I don't know how many men I killed." Peeta paused." I remember we were going house to house. We had a tip from an informer that a senior Taliban commander was in the village."

Peeta was caught in the memory of the day.

" I was second in. Finn was behind me. As soon as we popped the door, an AK opened up on us from inside. The lead man was down."

" Fuck!" Peeta shouted in exasperation. " I don't remember his name!"

Thread said, " Easy brother."

Peeta went on, " I was scarred and angry. I opened up. I shot three rounds into the fucker with the AK. Then, in the confusion I saw there was a whole family in the room. They were all wailing and screaming. The person I killed was no more then 15 years old."

Tears were in Peeta's eyes. " I dropped to my knees and began to treat my guy, who was down and bleeding out on the floor. I looked over at the kid and I knew he was dead. He died before he hit the ground. I looked at this family and they looked at me with such hatred. I will never forget that day."

" My buddy Finn told me if I didn't stop second guessing myself, I would rip myself apart. I guess I never learned to stop second guessing myself."

Mitchell stirred. He was standing and shouting. " You feel bad about that Mellark? Well fuck you! You can feel bad all you want. I fucking killed Haji's. I killed men and boys. I would kill them again, if it meant I got to go home. So fuck you and your soft heart Mellark."

Katniss felt the electricity in the room. She wanted to say something. She wanted to defend Peeta.

Peeta looked at Mitchell and said sadly, " I am sorry brother. I wasn't trying to make anyone feel bad. I was just trying to answer Doc's question. Mitchell, my pain is my pain. I don't want you to have it."

Mitchell looked around the room. Angry tears were running down his face." They trained us. I believed in the mission, but it was all bullshit. I am back here and I am so fucked up. I am in a world of shit. I can't. I won't, take the guilt of that war." He started to sob. " I just won't"

Surprisingly, Johanna spoke up.  She was crying softly. Katniss had never seen her friend so open and vulnerable. " Mitchell, Mellark no one here blames you. We are all fucked up. I grew up in foster care. the only family I really had was the Army. I still have no friends, well except for brainless there." Johanna nodded in the direction of Katniss. Katniss smiled back.

" They used us up. I am as good as a day old tampon." The group groaned. " Mitchell you did your best. No one here judges you. Least of all me."

Mitchell looked up at Johanna with gratitude and smiled. Something unspoken passed between the two of them.

Thomas choose at that moment to speak. He never spoke. He would listen intensely, but he never volunteered his own thoughts, until tonight.

" I don't belong in this world. I cant get a job. School sucks. School always sucked! I don't understand what the teacher is saying to me. All my friends have moved on with their lives. My family doesn't understand me. They keep telling me I need to get over it.  Fuck! I would if I could."

Peeta looked at Tomas and said," Yeah, war for most people was a clip they saw on the evening news."

Peeta thought of Cressida and her news crew on that fateful day. He had been ignoring her. He needed to make things right between them.

" Thomas. I know school is hard. Have you gone to the learning center at your school?" Thomas shook his head no. Peeta went on. " If you like. I can help you with your Math and English. My Dad is looking for help in his bakery. I will speak to my father and put in a word for you."

Katniss looked at Peeta Mellark and found herself feeling a unexplainable warmth in her chest. " He is a lot like Daddy. He really cares about people and it isn't bullshit."

Dr. Aurelius looked at Katniss.

" Katniss you look like you have something to say."

At first Katniss demurred, but then she said, " I need this group. I need you guys, including my asshole friend." Katniss pointed at Johanna. " Some days I feel like I am drowning. Each time, when it is time for this group to start. I consider not coming. But, when I am here, I feel like I am home."

" I lost my father, when I was in high school. My father worked in construction. There was a building collapse. He and my best friend's dad died that day. My mother was never the same. So basically, it was just me and my sister. When she was killed, part of me died. I hated my mother for checking out, but I was just like her. I was dead inside. So, I ran all the way to Afghanistan, there I started to find myself. I treated hundreds of guys like you. In helping them I started to help myself."

All the group listened and nodded. Peeta locked his eyes onto hers. He smiled encouragingly. That gave Katniss the courage to keep speaking.

" It fell apart when I came home. there I had a purpose. I even allowed myself to get close to people. Only now I am finding out that maybe I can start living again. So, every day, I feel less shitty, then the day before."

Katniss started to cry. God, it felt good to cry.

" Do you understand what I am saying?

Johanna answered her. " More than you know brainless. More than you know."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter focuses on reconnecting Peeta and his mother.


	22. Mother Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone call from Rye

Aunt Johanna was Cade and Willow's silly aunt.

Aunt Delly was super smart.

Aunt Johanna dyed the ends of her hair red and had bright red nail polish.

Aunt Delly had her own show on something called CNBC talking about money and something called " Trade Policy." It was very boring.

Aunt Johanna lived in a place called Queens, NY. Willow liked the name Queens. It made her think of knights and tall castles.

Aunt Delly was loving and snuggly, and very special to Willow. Willow loved her Aunt Delly very much. She was just not as funny and silly as Aunt Johanna.

Aunt Johanna was Mommy's best lady friend and a nurse like mommy. When Mommy and Aunt Johanna got together, they would drink a lot of wine. The wine made them very silly. They would turn up the music in the family room and dance.  Aunt Johanna would always insist that Willow dance with them.

Daddy would look in from the kitchen, where he was making dinner. Willow's Daddy was a really good cook. Daddy would smile happily. He liked it when Mommy was happy.

Aunt Johanna and Mommy would laugh a lot. When Daddy would come into the room, Aunt Johanna would say something about Daddy's butt being, "fine." Willow did not understand why Aunt Johanna was making a big deal about her Daddy's butt. It didn't look any different than any of her friend's daddie's butts, except for  her friend Tina. Her daddy had a really big butt. It didn't seem to matter to Tina.

Once Aunt Johanna pinched Daddy's butt in front of Mommy and Willow. Daddy's face became bright red and he said, " The two of you are acting worse than children," and " Katniss! Johanna! Willow is watching!" That made Mommy and Aunt Johana fall on the family room floor laughing hysterically.

Willow did not know this, but when Mommy had been real sad, Daddy had been on the phone with Aunt Johanna everyday. They were both trying to figure out how to help Mommy not be so sad. Daddy and Aunt Johanna had become good friends and they trusted each other.

Aunt Johanna was staying for the weekend and that meant that Mommy and Daddy would invite over Grand Mom and Grand Pop, Aunt Delly, Uncle Thom and their loud little boy Michael and Aunt Annie and Finn Jr., if he wasn't playing in a football game.

It had taken a while, but Aunt Annie had sold her house in Florida and had gotten a job as a Vice Principal in the Middle School in Alexandria.

Finn was a little sad to leave his house in Florida and his friends, but Willow knew he was happy to be close to Willow's Mommy and Daddy. Now, Aunt Annie and Finn, Jr. lived close by.

The Mellark/Everdeen house was always filled with people. Daddy and Mommy liked it that way. Daddy said that laughing and being with friends kept, " The Black Dog" away from their house.

Willow didn't really understand why, but she was happy that Finn, Jr. was coming over today for a Fall cookout. Willow liked the way he looked. Finn Jr. was kind and funny. He looked a lot like his Daddy , from the pictures that her Daddy had shown her. Willow liked Finn a lot. He wasn't a silly little boy. She just wished he would stop calling her, " short stuff."

Today was a beautiful day. The leaves were just starting to change.

Aunt Johanna and Mommy were sitting on the sun porch, watching Cade play with Max in the backyard.

Mommy looked up and said, " That boy is going to be the death of me."

She stood up and opened the slider and yelled, " Cade Mellark! You can not ride Max! He is a dog not a horse. Ok?"

" OK Mommy." Cade gave Katniss a beautiful smile.

Johanna said, " That little boy has you wrapped around his finger."

Katniss laughed , "Yes. Yes he has."

Daddy had to go to the hospital. Daddy was supposed to be home all day, but one of his little patients was a having a problem. Daddy was the Chief and he was supposed to solve problems for the boys and girls he was taking care of.

The phone rang. Mommy and Aunt Johann were talking and laughing loudly. According to Aunt Johanna, Mr. Mitchell. Aunt Johanna's husband was, " big where it counted." Willow did not understand what that meant.

Mommy and Johana were laughing so loudly, that they did not hear the phone.

Willow picked up the phone and Katniss heard Willow say, " Uncle Rye! You know I am not a real princess. Only you call me that."  Uncle Rye was Daddy's oldest brother and he was silly like Aunt Johanna. He was always telling jokes. Willow was very smart, but she sometimes did not understand Uncle Rye's jokes.

" Uncle Rye, you are being silly. I have friends who are boys, but I don't have a boy friend." Willow giggled. " Uncle Rye, I am too young to date boys."

Finally, Willow said with a touch of exasperation and with a scowl on her face that matched Katniss's, Willow said, " Uncle Rye, do you want to talk with Mommy? Daddy is at the hospital. He should be home real soon. I'll get Mommy."

" Mommy, Uncle Rye is on the phone! Bye Uncle Rye. I will see you at Thanksgiving. I love you."

Katniss was slightly out of breath, from laughing so hard with Johanna.

" Rye! How are you?"

Rye blurted out, " Katniss, I have to talk to Peeta. She is dying and she wants to see him." The usually funny, easy going man sounded anxious and upset.

Katniss stood straight. Johanna and Willow took notice of the change in Katniss. The room became very quiet

" Rye, who is dying? Who are you talking about?"

" Our Mother Katniss. Our Mother is dying."


	23. Mother Part 2

Mrs. Cartwright is a very perceptive woman. Her husband long ago observed her ability to empathize with both of her children and put them at ease. Over the past two weeks she could see that her Peeta was in pain. Ever since he had spoken to his brother, he had been distracted and anxious. Not since he had gotten back from Afghanistan, had she felt such a nagging concern for him.

When Peeta was wounded in combat, she and her husband felt helpless as their son dealt with his pain and loss. His rehabilitation at Walter Reed, his struggle with depression and alcohol abuse took it's toll on Peeta. At that time, he was so distant, depressed and cynical. He repeatedly pushed his family away. They felt the sting of his rejection intensely.

Mrs. Cartwright shuddered when she thought back on those days. Peeta was so lost. But, there was something in her son that would not allow the darkness to win. He reminded her of a wildflower pushing its way through broken pavement toward the light. That same sunny boy with the winning smile was still there inside of that hurt man.

Peeta had faced adversity squarely and beat it back. In the process, he had become a caring and compassionate husband and father. He had found his true calling and he had found the love of his life in Katniss.

Mrs. Cartwright loved Katniss. Over time, Katniss had overcome her initial awkwardness and accepted being part of Peeta's family. Katniss often would seek out Mrs. Cartwright, sometimes to ask for support and advice, but more often to simply spend time with this kind gnetle woman.

" Sweetheart would you like another cup of tea?" Katniss eagerly accepted a second cup from Mrs. Cartwright.

Katniss wanted to understand the exact nature of the relationship of Peeta and his natural mother. Peeta was not afraid to share any of his thoughts and feelings with his wife, except when they came to his mother.

Katniss was not fully aware of the full physical and emotional damage his mother had visited on Peeta. Katniss often wondered why Mrs. Mellark had chosen a life apart from Peeta. Katniss knew that Peeta's brothers had not been abandoned by his mother. Peeta seemed to accept that fact. In spite of that, he remained close with his siblings. He and his father had worked hard to overcome their past.

But, Peeta considered his true parents and family to be the Cartwrights. Mom and Pop were truly in his heart his mother and father. Delly was his sister.

Maybe a better understanding of what happened would help her assist Peeta through this difficult time. Peeta was her home and home meant everything to Katniss. He was in pain and Katniss could not stand that.

" Mom, since he spoke to Rye he doesn't sleep. He hardly eats. He is preoccupied. He has pulled away from us." Katniss's face reflected her concern.

Mrs. Cartwright reached across the kitchen table to hold Katniss's hand.

" His mother was insane Katniss. Her insanity was directed against Peeta. His mother's rage and anger were directed toward a little boy, who just wanted to be loved." Her eyes watered. " She punched him, so no one would see the bruising. She hit him repeatedly with a belt." In a near whisper, Mrs. Cartwright said, " She did worse than that Katniss." Her words hung in the air.

Mrs. Cartwright was brought back decades ago, when her Peeta became her son. Throughout the years she had reproached herself for not acting sooner to protect that blond little boy. Her husband had implored her to forgive herself. However, in spite of his kind words and good intentions, she could not allow herself the luxury of self forgiveness.

She remembered her little Peeta. He craved her solace and protection. When she would tell him that she loved him and that he was a good boy, Peeta would melt into her arms.

Katniss felt sick to her stomach. Everyday she worked with children, who were the victims of abuse and neglect. However, the thought that her husband had suffered at the hands of his mother left her sick and speechless.

Mrs. Cartwright continued, " The abuse happened over years and it changed a loud, funny inquisitive little boy, into a shadow of himself. Only after years of therapy and knowing that he was safe and part of our family did Peeta come into himself again."

" Katniss, Peeta is not my natural child, but I love him with the same intensity that I love Delly. I am his mother and even though Pop is not Peeta's natural father, Pop is his Dad "

" Katniss, you and Peeta found each other. Your love created a family. You are now my daughter and Cade and Willow are my grandchildren, plain and simple."

" Katniss, I feel sorry for Peeta's father, I guess he tried in his own clumsy way to protect his son from her, I also at times feel such deep hatred for that man for allowing his son to be damaged, all to buy a temporary peace with that insane woman."

Mrs. Cartwright smiled," Katniss you should have seen Peeta and Deely, when they were young. They were joined at the hip. But, Deely doesn't know the full extent of what that woman did to him."

Mrs. Cartwright thought back to the two towheaded children playing together in their backyard so many years ago.

" Peeta and Deely have always been close. Delly called them the Wonder Twins. Peeta hated being called that. When Peeta was wounded, Deely was beside herself."

They sat silently for a few minutes then Katniss asked, " Mom, what did this do to Peeta? "

Mrs. Cartwright sighed, " Katniss, you work with abused children every day. Peeta didn't know why his mother did what she did to him. He thought that he was bad and one day if he was good, she would love him."

" Katniss, how can you explain mental illness to a little boy? "

" How can you explain to a trusting little boy, that his mother doesn't want him, but she wants his bothers? Nothing made any sense to him. He tuned it all in on himself."

" Katniss, he was such a good boy and he is such a good man."

" We became his family. I believe he knows he was loved. I know he feels our love."

Katniss and Mrs. Cartwright sipped their tea in silence. Katniss loved this woman. Being with the Cartwright's felt like home. Katniss heard the giggles of Cade and Willow as they played with their Grand Pop in the next room.

" Mom, Peeta wants to see her. He wants to hear what she has to say."

Mrs. Cartwright shook her head. " I am not surprised Katniss. Peeta isn't naïve. He understands that nothing may come from visiting her. Maybe he will give her some peace and comfort before she passes. It will be painful for him, but Peeta perseveres. He thinks he needs to do this and maybe he does, but you know that Peeta will need you by his side."

" Mom, I am not going to allow my husband in that room without me. He is not doing this alone. We protect each other. That's just what we do.

They heard a crash coming from the family. Grand Pop's voice rang out. " Nothing to worry about. We just knocked over a lamp! "

" Don't worry Cade. I never liked that lamp any way."

This statement was followed by Cade and Willow's giggles and a big man's laughter.

" Katniss, take care of my boy."

" I will Mom. I will."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	24. Mother Part 3

Peeta walked to the refrigerator in his studio. He reached in for a beer and cracked it open. Maybe a beer might settle him. He was a swirl of thoughts and emotions. 

Painting wasn't helping. Usually painting helped settle Peeta. Katniss once observed that art allowed Peeta's unconscious to take over and help Peeta solve his work and personal problems. Painting, sketching and photography were as necessary to Peeta as water and fresh air.

Next to his easel, Peeta had placed a photograph of a 14 year old Katniss and her father, taken when they were hunting together. Katniss often spoke about her father. She missed his wisdom and his quiet confidence.

Peeta imagined father and daughter in the forests of New York State hunting together. Katniss loved the woods and when they married, Katniss had of all the possible vacation destinations available, chosen to go to a cabin in Northern Vermont to hunt and fish with Peeta.

Peeta wanted to give Katniss a Christmas present, that would truly mean something. He wanted to paint a memorable scene of Katniss and Mr. Everdeen. Peeta tried all day to work on his painting, however he could just not focus.

In truth, Katniss was his favorite subject to draw and paint. She was his muse. Willow would watch her father paint for hours. She once said, " Daddy when you paint a picture of Mommy, your face becomes happy. Kinda like when Max is chewing on a big stew bone."  Peeta smiled. Willow had a way with words.

Instead of painting, Peeta sat nursing his beer and looking out at his backyard.

Max was wandering the yard. He was doing what dogs do which included sniffing, digging and occasionally terrorizing an errant squirrel. Max seemed to be very proud of himself for defending the Mellark clan against the dreaded squirrel intruders.

Peeta felt the chill of the late October afternoon. He walked over to the coat hanger standing in the corner of his studio. He slipped on his Camo jacket. He was happy that It still fit him after all these years.

Peeta sat down on his recliner. His mind wandered to his last conversation with Thresh. Thresh had stayed friends with Peeta and Katniss long after the group ended.

Thresh loved his niece. He was her legal guardian. Little Rue who was so bright, playful and artistic was a very sick little girl. Her cancer had metastasized to her adrenal glands. Rue's cancer was particularly aggressive. So far standard treatment protocols had failed to stop the spread of the cancer. Peeta wanted Rue to participate in a new clinical study, which would investigate the efficacy of a new drug on a pediatric population.  The initial findings looked promising. Thresh readily agreed to have Rue be a participant.

Peeta heard the laughter of his children coming from the Family Room. Peeta smiled to himself. He remembered playing with his bothers in the back of the bakery. He loved the bakery and the smell of freshly baked bread.

His father was a true artist and his creations were meant to satisfy both the pallet and the eyes. His creations were legendary. Peeta remembered the time and creativity needed to create a multi-tiered wedding cake. As a young boy, Peeta wanted nothing more than to be a baker like his father.

At least his mother did not destroy all his good memories of the bakery.

Peeta loved his brothers. He wished they lived closer, but they had firmly entrenched themselves on Long Island. They would try their best to connect with each other, but as time went on the visits became less frequent. Real life got in the way.

Peeta took another pull from his beer.

Peeta and his father had made their peace, but he knew the awkwardness that they felt around each other would never really go away. Mr. Mellark was grateful to the Cartwright's for loving and protecting his son. However, he knew that there were no take backs in this life, just consequences for actions taken or not taken.

Peeta was brought out of his thoughts, as he watched Katniss open the slider and come into the back yard. She called Max to come into the house.

" God, she is magnificent," Peeta thought to himself. Katniss grew more beautiful with each passing day.

Max came bounding toward Katniss. She got down on one knee and gave Max a hug. " Your such a good dog. Come one let's go inside. It is getting chilly out."

Peeta wondered why a woman like Katniss had chosen him. He was upset with himself for pulling back from his wife and children.

The shadows of the early evening were growing longer. Peeta remembered Fall nights with Delly, Mom and Pop. The best day's of his childhood came from being with the Cartwrights.

Who was this woman lying in a bed in a Hospice facility?

He couldn't picture her face anymore. All he could recall, was a face contorted by anger. His brothers and Father said she had been beautiful. Honestly, Peeta couldn't remember.

In the past, when he thought of her he used to feel fear, anger and longing all balled into one sickening mass of emotions. As Peeta got older, he was able to slowly untwist these emotions and disengage himself from her.

Peeta now felt nothing toward his mother. She existed somewhere out there, but she no longer mattered to him. The last time he spoke to her was before his enlistment. He knew his brothers continued to have a relationship with her and she probably knew about his life. But, truly Peeta had arrived at the point where he just didn't give a fuck.

However, when he spoke to Rye about her wish to see him. Peeta was brought back to being that sad abused neglected little boy. Her request loomed large in his mind. He was tired of feeling like he was a scarred little boy.

He felt the bile rise in his chest. His mother had taken too much from him and he was not going to let her take anymore from him.

" Get your head out of your ass Staff Sargent. You are a fucking Ranger!"

Peeta looked out across his yard. he could easily see into his family room. Halloween was next weekend. Katniss the woman, who said she never wanted children, had elaborately decorated their home. She was burrowed into the couch with her children snuggled into her.

" Fuck this." Peeta thought. " I am done mopping out here."

As Peeta walked across the yard, he felt a sense of lightness. He heard laughter coming from the family room.

" Mommy, Max knocked over the popcorn!"

" Don't worry Willow we'll make more."

Peeta opened the slider into the family room. He walked over to the couch and said to his children, " Scoot over. The big dog is here and I want to sit next to my wife,"

Cade, Willow and Katniss were all laughing. " Look out for Daddy's big butt. You don't want to be crushed."

Peeta did not wait for an answer. " I'm coming in for a landing." He squeezed between Cade and Katniss.

The other bowl of popcorn went flying and Max was once again the beneficiary.

" What are we watching?"

" Hocus Pocus, Daddy!"

" An oldie but goodie."

" Like you Daddy!"

" Exactly like me, baby."

Katniss looked at her husband. She knew he was going to see his mother. She placed her head on his shoulder. However,right here, right now. It was ok.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	25. Mother Part 4

Peeta Mellark painted with oils and acrylics. That was true, but Katniss knew that Peeta also painted with his words.

When Peeta would tell Katniss stories of his life, Katniss felt that she had also been there sharing the experience with him.

She was with Peeta, as he and Delly splashed in the waves at the shoreline. She was with him as he drew vibrant pictures with Delly using multicolored chalk on the Cartwright's driveway.

When Peeta told Katniss about his teenage years, Katniss was there with him. She was at his many wrestling matches, suffering through his defeats and sharing in his triumphs.

She watched him sketch and paint in the Cartwright's basement.

Katniss was there with Peeta through basic training. Ranger School and medic training.

Katniss felt his melancholy when he told her about his cold, lonely night patrols in Afghanistan. She warmed to his friendship with Annie and Finnick. She felt the terror and confusion of the murderous firefights he endured and she shared with Peeta the deep sadness and guilt at losing Finnick. 

She was with him as he was fitted for a prosthesis at Walter Reid and she was with him as he went through months of painful rehabilitation and through the depths of his despair and depression.

Katniss marveled at Peeta's capacity to communicate and connect to people. So his silence today was distressing. She knew he needed her today. Since they left Arlington and boarded the commuter flight, he held onto her hand like a vice.

In the last week, Rye had repeatedly called Peeta. Rye voice sounded strained over the phone. He told Peeta that time was of the essence. Their mother's condition had deteriorated. Mrs. Mellark had a particularly aggressive form of Lung Cancer, which had metastasized to her Adrenal Glands. Peeta the Oncologist knew it was time.

" Katniss, I am going to see her. I really can't put it off. It has to be now.".

Peeta asked himself what he expected from her. Did he want to hear herself explain her actions to him? What could she say? " Sorry son for abusing and abandoning you. Now let's have a nice hug."

Peeta and Katniss stood outside her room. Peeta could not will himself to open that door.

Katniss pulled her husband in for a warm embrace. " Where you go, I go."

Peeta smiled at his wife and pushed against the door.

Rye was sitting by his mother's bedside. He held her frail, pale hand.

" Mom..... Peeta and Katniss are here."

Rye turned to Katniss and Peeta. " Thank you both for coming. I'll leave you alone. I will just be outside. "

Katniss's breath hitched in her chest. She could see that Peeta's mother had once been a beautiful woman. However, the ravages of time, mental illness and cancer had devastated her appearance.

His mother starred at the two of them intensely. The blue of her eyes were the same shade as Peeta's and Willow's. There was no mistaking that Peeta was her son.

Mrs. Mellark starred at Katniss and tears started to run down her cheeks. " I dreamt of you. In my dream I saw you in a field with your little boy and girl. Rye showed my pictures of Cade and Willow. You have a beautiful family."

Katniss stammered," Thank you. "

Katniss and Peeta stood there in silence. Katniss looked at Peeta's face. His jaw was clenched. Finally, Peetas he said icily, " Hello mother."

Mrs. Mellark looked at her son and said, " Oh Peeta, what must you think of me? "

Peeta answered slowly. " Frankly Mother, I don't think of you and I haven't for years. I have my family, who were always there for me. You are just a bad memory. "

Peeta's mother looked as if she had been punched.

Katniss had seen her husband angry, but she never felt this degree of coldness emanating from him.

Mrs. Mellark's eyes flitted between Katniss and Peeta. Katniss thought to herself, " This is the saddest woman alive.'"

" Peeta, I don't have much time. Actually, I don't have anytime. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry. I have no excuses. I hurt you.  I abandoned you. I was psychotic. I was delusional and I was filled with pride. And after all that, I was afraid to reach out to you. I thought you were better off with the Cartwrights."

Peeta starred at his mother. The memories of that time overwhelmed him.  His eyes started to water. The tension in his body was visible to Katniss. Katniss wanted to protect her husband and run from this room and this woman.

" Don't worry mother. I stopped worrying about you a long time ago. Do you want to hear something bizarre? When I was in the ICU at Ramstein, I had lost my best friend and my leg. Can you imagine the pain that I felt? Still I wondered if I would hear from you. I didn't hear from you, but that was ok because my mom, my real mom, came to Germany to take care of me."

" Not you mother. Never you."

Peeta heard himself. This was not how he wanted this to go. He was so angry and bitter. In that moment, he looked at this frail woman, who was in pain and wanted forgiveness from her son.

" If you'll excuse me Mother." Peeta walked out of the room. Katniss joined him in the hallway.

" I love you Katniss. I thought I was better than this."

Katniss pulled Peeta in close to her and said, " You are the best man that I know."

In that moment, Peeta thought of Finnick. Finnick had told Peeta stories of his hardscrabble life and the hurts he had accumulated over the years.  He remembered Finn telling him, " Listen Doc, I choose to not let them hurt me anymore. Whoever hurt me Doc, I choose to forgive them. I do for me, Annie and little Finn. I choose to move on."

" I don't want to hurt her Katniss. I want the pain to be over."

Peeta shook his head, took a deep breath and walked back into the room. He approached his mother's bedside. He sat in the side chair and took her frail hand into his own.

Katniss watched from across the room. She held her breath...

" Mother....mom I forgive you."

Mrs. Mellark's face transformed. Her face so filled with anguish was peaceful.

Katniss pulled a side chair to sit next to her husband.

For the next two hours, Peeta talked to his mother about his life, his love for Katniss and their children.

He listened to his mother talk about her sadness and regrets. He listened and held onto his Mother's hand.

At the end of two hours, Mrs. Mellark was exhausted . She needed to rest.

Katniss said, " Mom, we will be back tomorrow."

Peeta had helped her with her Oxygen mask. She smiled at her son and daughter in law.

Rye had waited for them. He embraced Peeta and Katniss. " Thank you. Thank you."

On the taxi ride to their hotel, Katniss looked at her husband. She did not think it was possible to love a person as much as she loved him.

At 6:00 AM Peeta received a call from Rye. Their mother had died in the night.

She was at peace, so was Peeta. 

 

 


End file.
